In this little punk revival thing you cling to bands such as... I dunno.. Good Charlotte.. and as I always say "Good Charlotte is just a bunch of pretentious corporate pop drones." Which means that this band and many like it are only on MTV cause they are puppets of large record lables. The lable controlls their image, songs, and manages the money. The corporations make sure that they make freindly, cute pop, tunes...
Wait a second.. I've never listened to most of their songs.. what the hell am I talking about? I'm just so freaking shallow making judgements like that. But I guess it is important to at least question the integrity of the music I listen to.
Anyway, it all makes me uneasy. First of all I have an idea that all the new popular pop-punk acts are softening the image of the punk into somthing teenage girls want to pin up on their walls and cuddle with. Its a wave that major record lables and the fashon industry rides.. once they soften the image they can sell it to white-middle class America the largest of all consumer groups. Second, it all sucks, I see nothing redeeming.. a wasteland... nothing entertaining or worthwhile...
okay maybe I like the pants with the straps all over ... but uhh... that about it.
I really need to stop I could keep rambling about this crap all night.
I really fucking hate the word punk now and would be content never to type it again.

SLC Punk, quite possibly the saddest movie I have ever seen next to Grave of the Fireflies.
I think much about punkness lately. Cause I seen very many aspects of what its considered to be "punk" especially what with smelly ol Blink 182 and Avril whoring up MTV. Mind you however that their music and images were not my first encounters with what is considered to be "punk". Cause one time when I was 9 I saw a man with a mowhawk in a Tops Supermarket--lol. No really, my first and foremost education of "punk" came from people that were barely "punks" at all. Sorry gotta get this outta the way, it was Chumbawamba. (Yeah they're an archaic pop band and they sold out but thats not relevant to the point I'm trying to make.) I used to browse their web-page all the time and had a bunch of CD's with liner notes. I read practically every surface that they had printed words on. I thought it was pretty damn cool that they didn't sound a bit like the shit played on MTV (I'm not talking about Tubthumper). Anyway, what I had learned was that punks were defiant and always had somthing to say, they listened to the Sex Pistols and said fuck a lot. I got the general impression, though it was rather misguided, that all punks had interest in politics and fucking hated the state of things. So they picket and riot, and boycott.
But after a while I learn that there are several different kinds. The poli- punks, anarchists, poor people, posers, and people who just don't give a fuck about anything. But music is a general uniting factor that makes punks what they are; usually it is played very loud and not in the slightest bit clean or tidy.
I used to think I'd like to be a punk, an anarchist, someone nobody liked. I'd like to scream and yell and rebel and voice my opion. But I'm just weak sauce.."The soup is too thin.." Somtimes I think I would be now, but now that its tre chic! I fucking hate it. Everyone thinks they are a punk or a rocker or just like to dress like one. Its hard to pull out the people with true convictions.. ah but isn't that always the way... I'll just wear my combat boots, kilt and spike collar on the inside. Its always my first initiative to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing anyway.
Well anyway... it doesn't bother me that a person likes to dress like whatever, but it does kind of bother me that so many people are doing it at once. In my opinion, punk is dead. In fact I don't think it ever existed in the first place cause nobody can agree what punkreally is. I dunno what punk was back in its heyday but what I find it to be presently is a bunch of pretentous wankers, and fashon whores, TRYING to be cool. They are always so "POSER! POSER!". But look at me I'm practically screaming "POSER, POSER" myself. I'm just rambling I know..

Lately I've been kind of bothered by the fact that this was a dangling thread from my heart. With a sense of closure my conscience is much less burdened.

------Last Sunset----

How I remember being enraputred by the sunsets rosy haze,
what it was to live and cherish those tender springtime days.

I danced in the Sun's last rays of light that he so lovingly shed on me
I witnessed the shroud of night envelop his face, and felt the warmth of his love recede.

For when the sun decended, into his lush, green hillside bed
he took his warm heart with him and left the night so still and dead.

All the lilies I lay on your grave, cannot convice my soul, mind or eyes;
It is certainly not easy thing to mourn the death of someone so alive.
--------Naya

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am not: a cheater
I love: to be happy
I hate: doing dishes
I fear: losing control
I hope: that I might be passionate about somthing someday
I hear: the whirr of the CPU, trance song stuck in my head
I crave: mmmm pie
I regret: having not been there
I cry: when pitying my lost soul
I care: about my friends
I always: forget what I'm talking about in the middle of a sentence
I believe: whatever I want to believe when I want to believe it
I feel: pretty good
I listen: when people talk to me
I hide: nothing, I have no secrets =(
I drive: myself crazy (not a long drive)
I sing: very loudly
I dance: to the rythm in my head
I write: on my celing, lugubrious poetry
I play: Tetris, the kazoo, Bon's Spongebob clock
I miss: talking to people
I search: for scraps of food
I learn: from videogames, reading, from other people but apparently not from experience..
I know: a bunch of useless things, just ask me about anything!
I say: "AH HAA HAA" when cracking very stupid jokes
I succeed: at avoiding success!
I dream: of a clean house, clear conscience, and love
I wonder: how am I going to be able to survive on my own?
I want: lunch..
I have: treasure
I give: what I can when I have somthing to give
I fell: in love? it seems always to me that I take a step up
I fight:"I am Sailor Moon, I will right wrongs and punish evil, and that means YOU!"
I need: a hug

I had this dream where I was pulling wire coat hangars, hair pins and twenty dollar bills out of my nose. It was a pretty strange and random ability but during post-apocalypic times up is down black is white and everything you know is WRONG. So anyway, everyone in the world was pretty much dead except for me and a few other punks. I needed a weapon to protect me cause everyone that was alive was either crazy or was obsessed with fighting over turf; I needed to protect myself. So I asked Bob to If I could borrow one of the machete that he displays in his glass table ( I knew I should have just stolen it). He told me that I would have to give him $19.00 to keep it. (God, it is so like bob to think of money before the safety of his beloved family. What purpose does money have when the world has ended anyway?) I just tossed him a $20 bill that I had pulled out of my nose earlier in the day. I grabbed my duffle bag, my machete and my belt with the grommets and went on my merry way.

Last night I had a dream that I was on an important mission to travel to the deep-south. I was riding a tricycle with a motor and my sister was sitting on the back. We were doing 80 on the interstate when I found I had forgotten where I was going. So I pulled off in some field to find directions. There was this creepy old guy that told us that there was a gas station down some dark and winding road in the forest. I knew he was a creep cause of the way he combed his hair. I knew I spotted the real gas station in the other direction so I hopped back on my tricycle and sped away. In the same field, ( It was a big field)I saw some tourist couple they had a map with boats on it. They told us that we were in Shippingsburgh, not to be confused with Shippingborough. It seemed I had traveled south but had only traveled halfway downstate. I thought that was pretty good for a tricycle and decided to go home. But my tricycle broke down and some stupid people stole the wheels =(

Power was out. There was a tremendous storm which brought sudden heavy dounpours and great gusts of wind.
I hear tell there was a Tornady in these here parts. I reckon their was on account of I dun saw a limb ripped off of Ol' Man Sprouses maple tree.
It seemed as if a great super natural hand was doing mother natures pruning. After the storm passed I surveyed the carnage and found the neighborhood in a state of disarray.
There were trees snapped in half, and broken limbs littering the streets and lawns. There were also telephone poles that bent over the roadway at precarious angle.

This weekend... was very long. Went and visited Rochester Institue of Technology. Nerd Central. I got lost a lot cause I have a horrible sense of direction. I went swimming in the pool got ice cream. Followed a jesus looking guy around. Went and learned about medical illustration. It was a fruitful experience. Kind of lonely though...
Today I went to a flea marked. I got two anime videos, and a ryoko action figure... crazy considering that I usually expect to find antiques and worn out junk at flea markets. Though I guess you could consider a ryoko figure and anime from the 80's useless worn out junk.

Today Christa was talkin on the phone (big surprise) with Miek.
But I didn't know that at first. Cause she called him "Mikey"and I know more than one Mikey.
I'm all like "Mikey who? Mikey what"
Christa is like "Mikey, you know Mikey" "Mikey Mike Mike MIkEY"
Me: "Hello...uhh Mikey, Who WHAT? WHAT MIKEY ARE YOU!?!?!?" "WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? pILLS!!?"
YES i NEED PiLLS!! YOUR GONNA come back and give me pills?! Come back? I didn't know you were gone?
Oh wait a second.... (recognizes his voice)
That Mikey... I miss him

:: how nintendo are you? ::

I've collected all 100 of the different cards on ff9. I have invested so much time in my frivolous, imaginary empire-- about 106 hours. I feel very alone sometimes, but the game numbs the aching throb, it blinds me of staring into an empty fruitless void. I wonder what I'd be doing if I didn't play games? But then I think they are good for me because I think if I didn't play I'd be vandalizing, having sex and stealing-- or worst of all: Going to Church! I'd rather not think about it because the only conclusion would be that I am wasting my time playing games. But where are my friends? Where am I? What can I do?
What should I be doing? I just don't know. Maybe games are my life.

The Jackal


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
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I just got back from a week camping at Hammond lake. Wow, was it exciting. It rained, I forgot my swimsuit, the tent leaked, and the boat broke. Worst of all there were no hot men. Just Mullets.
Don't get me wrong I did have a good time. Cause it was sunny shiny and I kind of got a tan.. I went kayaking, and I sat around and was lazy and I saw a movie with a hot but very strange pirate in it. I got plenty of fresh air. I saw pretty sunsets and listened to good music. Food was abundant and generously prepaired.
There wasn't much activity at the lake though.
I've reached a new level of boredom... now what do the Buhddists call it.. umm..
Enlightenment! Thats it!

Random Naya-ism:

If you make a silly mistake and embarass yourself trying out somthing new, and decide never again to participate in that activity again, you will be remembered by others involved for the mistake that you made. You just have to keep trying sometimes...

You are quina You love food, it's one of the most important forces in your life. When you are hungry, you may seem very scary to others O_O

take this quiz!

Quina is the best FF character next to Sephiroth. Quina really kicks ass! SO THERE!
--are ya happy now?
I so happy

Final Fantasy IX
Final Fantasy IX was a pretty damn good game. Its kinda sad that I played it now that its an antique but I don't think I could have appreciated it as much when I was a little younger.
I liked seeing all the old stuff from the earlier games in FFIX, like black mages, and the summons, and I got a namigway card. Though the Chocobo said "Kweh" instead of "wark" I still liked them.
I especially enjoyed the frienship that kept all of the characters together and the lessons they all learned at the end.
They learned how to live life and enjoy life and hot to make it better for others. All from that monkey-tailed theif!
I'm a sucker for happy endings.

I'm having a great summer. I'm doing absolutely nothing. I play video games all day. I go swimming. I eat. I do computer things.
I like that I don't really have any deep reflections on my days. I like not being surrounded by annoying peolple like I am at school.
It kind of bothers me though, that my days are so empty of substance.

I spent the whole day with Bon and Christa.
Then I was silly enought to say "durr I am like soo unfruitful, I did nothing all day and have nothing to show for it."
Then Bon says: "But Naya you have shown your love and kidness to me all day." and Christa says I'm appreciate too.
I'm glad I'm appreciated.

I hear some people say that I need some self-esteem, that I need to be more confident in myself. I won't deny that, not at all!
But I figure if I have the bravery to divulge my most brilliantly obvious flaws on my blog every day, and not feel a bit sorry, I must have some some self-esteem. I'm saying that I'm confident to tell the whole world that I'm a lonely loser, a social outcast, I need therapy, I need a hug, or I'm lazy and irresponsible, and It doesn't make me think any less of myself. I'm confident enough to be honest with myself. So I must have some self-esteem. What I really think I need is, discipine, to keep me from slagging off all day, and some shame, so I don't feel it good enough to be flaky and undependable all the time. Most of all I need motivation. I need somthing to get my ass moving and my head thinking.

I went to sleep at approximately 5:30 yesterday afternoon and slept until 10:30 this morning. Thats about 18 hours of sleep more or less.
Thats double what a person is supposed to get in a day. It astounds me that I could ever sleep so much. Its good that I didn't miss anything, at least I think I didn't.
I guess I've discovered a new talent, I am very good at sleeping. I'm also getting pretty good at staying up until 4:30 in the morning, but thats all over for the year.
I'm so multitalented, I can sleep and play videogames, and ramble on about the stupidist aspects of my uneventful life. I'm real college material!