In this little punk revival thing you cling to bands such as... I dunno.. Good Charlotte.. and as I always say "Good Charlotte is just a bunch of pretentious corporate pop drones." Which means that this band and many like it are only on MTV cause they are puppets of large record lables. The lable controlls their image, songs, and manages the money. The corporations make sure that they make freindly, cute pop, tunes...
Wait a second.. I've never listened to most of their songs.. what the hell am I talking about? I'm just so freaking shallow making judgements like that. But I guess it is important to at least question the integrity of the music I listen to.
Anyway, it all makes me uneasy. First of all I have an idea that all the new popular pop-punk acts are softening the image of the punk into somthing teenage girls want to pin up on their walls and cuddle with. Its a wave that major record lables and the fashon industry rides.. once they soften the image they can sell it to white-middle class America the largest of all consumer groups. Second, it all sucks, I see nothing redeeming.. a wasteland... nothing entertaining or worthwhile...
okay maybe I like the pants with the straps all over ... but uhh... that about it.
I really need to stop I could keep rambling about this crap all night.
I really fucking hate the word punk now and would be content never to type it again.

SLC Punk, quite possibly the saddest movie I have ever seen next to Grave of the Fireflies.
I think much about punkness lately. Cause I seen very many aspects of what its considered to be "punk" especially what with smelly ol Blink 182 and Avril whoring up MTV. Mind you however that their music and images were not my first encounters with what is considered to be "punk". Cause one time when I was 9 I saw a man with a mowhawk in a Tops Supermarket--lol. No really, my first and foremost education of "punk" came from people that were barely "punks" at all. Sorry gotta get this outta the way, it was Chumbawamba. (Yeah they're an archaic pop band and they sold out but thats not relevant to the point I'm trying to make.) I used to browse their web-page all the time and had a bunch of CD's with liner notes. I read practically every surface that they had printed words on. I thought it was pretty damn cool that they didn't sound a bit like the shit played on MTV (I'm not talking about Tubthumper). Anyway, what I had learned was that punks were defiant and always had somthing to say, they listened to the Sex Pistols and said fuck a lot. I got the general impression, though it was rather misguided, that all punks had interest in politics and fucking hated the state of things. So they picket and riot, and boycott.
But after a while I learn that there are several different kinds. The poli- punks, anarchists, poor people, posers, and people who just don't give a fuck about anything. But music is a general uniting factor that makes punks what they are; usually it is played very loud and not in the slightest bit clean or tidy.
I used to think I'd like to be a punk, an anarchist, someone nobody liked. I'd like to scream and yell and rebel and voice my opion. But I'm just weak sauce.."The soup is too thin.." Somtimes I think I would be now, but now that its tre chic! I fucking hate it. Everyone thinks they are a punk or a rocker or just like to dress like one. Its hard to pull out the people with true convictions.. ah but isn't that always the way... I'll just wear my combat boots, kilt and spike collar on the inside. Its always my first initiative to do the opposite of what everyone else is doing anyway.
Well anyway... it doesn't bother me that a person likes to dress like whatever, but it does kind of bother me that so many people are doing it at once. In my opinion, punk is dead. In fact I don't think it ever existed in the first place cause nobody can agree what punkreally is. I dunno what punk was back in its heyday but what I find it to be presently is a bunch of pretentous wankers, and fashon whores, TRYING to be cool. They are always so "POSER! POSER!". But look at me I'm practically screaming "POSER, POSER" myself. I'm just rambling I know..

Lately I've been kind of bothered by the fact that this was a dangling thread from my heart. With a sense of closure my conscience is much less burdened.

------Last Sunset----

How I remember being enraputred by the sunsets rosy haze,
what it was to live and cherish those tender springtime days.

I danced in the Sun's last rays of light that he so lovingly shed on me
I witnessed the shroud of night envelop his face, and felt the warmth of his love recede.

For when the sun decended, into his lush, green hillside bed
he took his warm heart with him and left the night so still and dead.

All the lilies I lay on your grave, cannot convice my soul, mind or eyes;
It is certainly not easy thing to mourn the death of someone so alive.
--------Naya

hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I am not: a cheater
I love: to be happy
I hate: doing dishes
I fear: losing control
I hope: that I might be passionate about somthing someday
I hear: the whirr of the CPU, trance song stuck in my head
I crave: mmmm pie
I regret: having not been there
I cry: when pitying my lost soul
I care: about my friends
I always: forget what I'm talking about in the middle of a sentence
I believe: whatever I want to believe when I want to believe it
I feel: pretty good
I listen: when people talk to me
I hide: nothing, I have no secrets =(
I drive: myself crazy (not a long drive)
I sing: very loudly
I dance: to the rythm in my head
I write: on my celing, lugubrious poetry
I play: Tetris, the kazoo, Bon's Spongebob clock
I miss: talking to people
I search: for scraps of food
I learn: from videogames, reading, from other people but apparently not from experience..
I know: a bunch of useless things, just ask me about anything!
I say: "AH HAA HAA" when cracking very stupid jokes
I succeed: at avoiding success!
I dream: of a clean house, clear conscience, and love
I wonder: how am I going to be able to survive on my own?
I want: lunch..
I have: treasure
I give: what I can when I have somthing to give
I fell: in love? it seems always to me that I take a step up
I fight:"I am Sailor Moon, I will right wrongs and punish evil, and that means YOU!"
I need: a hug