Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Coffee flavored yogurt tastes like coffee flavored vomit.

Hah, I'm sitting writing this while you shmucks are in school. I feel empathy for you though. So thats why I'm spending my days cleaning the house, so I can share in the feeling of having to go through redundant torture. I'm also looking for jobs now, because I feel like I have to hate my life like the rest of the world. Take some time today to remember me while your half asleep in math class, and I will take some time to think of you while I sweep mouse turds off the back porch.

Friday, August 20, 2004

stop the insanity! as Susan Powder used to say (way before your time you dirty shmucks).
Look here I hate always being a downer and smearing shitty stuff on my blog all the time but I wanna know what the fuck is making everyone nuts these days, what is going on!? I get pretty worried when I hear that bad stuff is happining to the people closest to me from a secondary or tertiary source, such as a supid blog post. I would try to ask and to be there and be a fluffy good friend like magazine articles tell me to. But I don't wanna upset anybody by prying into shit, I don't wanna upset myself either cause I'm a hypersensitive jerk. I guess saying I'm upset on my blog isn't any better then the cryptic and evil stuff you post on your blogs. But I just gotta let you know that I care about my friends even if they don't give a shit about me, I like to see you all well, I like to see you happy. I care even though I'm a douchebag who doesn't show it very well.

Monday, August 02, 2004

An Anecdote Describing the Shining Intelligence and Acute Perceptiveness of Naya:
Today I went to the house of my dear friend Christa. She offered me a sub for lunch. "Oink moo, I love me some turkey sub," I thought to myself. And it just so happend there were three subs in the fridge. "Hooray" I thought to myself, "so much lovely, lovely food!"
I grabbed a sub and unrapped it greedily, "oh jesus," I whimpered after a split second observation--it was ham. I wrapped the sub back up and picked up the second sub, I unrapped the second sub and it too was ham and olives and parmesan cheese. I cursed under my breath, "GODDAMNIT!" and then proceeded wrapping number two back up, putting it in the fridge and pulling sub number three. I unwrapped this sub hoping the third time's the charm and behold, this sub was also ham. I was distraught. There is nothing I would rather eat at this moment than a good old fashoned turkey sub with tomato, lettuce, and mayo.
I cried out in famished agony, "THE SUBS THEY ARE ALL HAM!". And I was replied by Christa's cantankerous father, "No they're turkey,".
I was confused, "What is it, smoked turkey?"
"Nope it's good ol' plain turkey." Linda honked with enthusiastic confirmation.
I had at that moment entered the Twilight Zone-- I had the biggest lapse in judgement I have ever had. For you see, I had opened all three subs, and they were all ham, I hadn't examined them very close but the meat I had a glimpse of was that familiar pink color marbled with fat. How could have I had been convinced that the subs were turkey. How could my mind be so dulled by the monotony that is my life, that I would have to turn around again, open the fridge and rexamine the subs one by one? ...Unwrapping and wrapping, opening and closing the refrigerator door...
I suppose I thought it was smoked turkey. I had to check to see if it was, because smoked turkey is better than no turkey at all, though I hate smoked turkey.
Sub one was still ham, and the funny thing was I knew that it was ham all along.
And the sillyness progresses; because I still felt the need to open the other two though they looked the same as the first. They were still ham and they still had gross things like black olives and parmesan. My head is a big black hole.