Is it really possible that a completly alien mode of thinking exists in the minds of humans? Is there somthing beyond everything we are taught in school, by our parents, by society, by our instincts. I want to know if this mode exists, I want to be able to grasp it.
This way of thinking has been sketched out very vaguely in my head. A couple of months ago I was kept awake by a series of dreams about metal pipes, and floating words. I was very depressed during this time, and felt that my life was slipping into this very redundantly lonely trench. I woke up every morning trying to fit the word aluminum into a poem. I felt like my imagineation was trying to overthrow my conciousness.
--and how does this reate to what I'll say next?---well, I suppose it doesn't--
--Maybe just thinking that what I know is very mysterious and there is more to think abou in life than the usual.
People only think about as much as they are taught to think about. We would look at a bulding and never think to count how many windows there were. We would just know that there are many windows. But a person who excercises their mind would take a mental picture of the building and count the windows, and I'm told after a while you would be able to develop the ability to KNOW how many things there are without counting. For example you would look at the window and in a second know there are 132 windows, 8 birds on the telephone wire, 12 lamp posts, 54 dandelions on the lawn.
What I'm talking about is increasing the capacity of your brain to just know.

Think about it, how many number patterns are we conditioned to learn in our lives, maybe 1-10. Watching Sesame Street as a kid I was taught what 3 objects looked like, what 5, 6, 8 objects looked like.
I don't consider my brain very strong, I can't recognize what more than 4 objects in a straight row look like, often when I see five I think "four".
I hear that thinking in a way which increases the amount of objects you recognize will make everything in your life seem like a numerical problem that can be solved with math.
..And how does this all relate to thinking in this very completly foreign way?
--well I forgot what the hell I'm trying to say, its all messed up---
But I suppose it means excercising the mind much more than any average person, believing that there is somthing out there more to be known somthing that trancends emperical and abstract concepts. I'm crazy..don't mind me...

The ultimate perfection of life is misery.
Have you ever seen somthing so horrible, but strangely alluring you can't stop looking at it.
HAve you picked a scab?
I'm facinated with emotional disorder, I'm facinated with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder. I like to talk to people to try to comfort them, though they will always forget what you have done for them the next time they have an emotional crisis.

Misery is always possible, it can always be elevated, aggrivated, and can spread from person to person.
A tangled web of conciousness, thinking things they cannot understand, things that scare them.

hah...just like me, you still live at home with your parents and you tell me how it's gonna be when I get out into the "real world".
Good God...

My days are wrecked with inconvenience.
Its nothing more isolating than anything else I experience everyday.
I feel like I'm losing more of myself...
I wish you were here.
See you soon!