Is it me, or am I not getting to anyone? Do you think I lack sincerity or just ignore me?
Whenever I say I'm concerned for my friends I really mean it. Otherwise I prolly wouldn't say it.
Bon
Bradley
Chris
Christa
Heather
James
Jamie
Jess
Jessie
Joey
Leslie
Matt
Mike
Rui
Ryan
Scott
Shadow
Shaun
Stephen
Steve
A list of all of my friends in alphabetical order since I think thats fair.
I think I have the best friends in the whole world and I would prolly do anything for them. *sniffle* *wipes away a tear* Truth!

wow, amazing what sleeping in will do for ones mood =). I had two really great dreams! The first one was that a preppy was dissing my friends, so I fiercly shredded his ass with my excellent kung-fu/ karate skills. I even went crouching tiger hidden dragon on his ass! =)!!! That dream was odd because I never fight in my dreams, and I never win. But in that dream I righteously pounded him!! I even made him admit that he was a stupid gay dog fucker to all of his preppy kindreds! If given the chance i would do it in real life, cause no one messes with my friends and gets away with their limbs fully intact! =)
Next dream was really good, It was just me hangin with my ppls like I would like in real life. Everybody just chillin. It was peaceful and everybody didn't hate each other. Yah.. there was respect. It was a nice thought I guess. But a dream is just a dream and I dun think think there is gonna be peacefullness among the masses which is totally uncool...
I think we should all move the west coast and be surfer dudes and dudetts. No problems man, cause we all just wanna worship the sun and sand and wait for the next gnarly wave to roll in.. Yah.. or we could be ravers PLUR! yah know.. If the wolrld were a beach or a rave instead of a stage (like shakespeare or someone like him said "the world is a stage and everyone is mearly players"), then perhaps we could all get along and get away from tha drama. Maybe other planets are like, peaceful and stuff. Maybe mars was like a large Jamaica or maybe like woodstock.. where everyone just grooved to the beat and smoked totally excellent joints. I bet the official international hairstyle of mars was like dreadlocks or mullets.....

The dance was ermm.... not the bast dance i ever went to. I danced with Xa though.. good to know I have at least one good friend!
I can only take soo much of snyder.. he's really an attention whore, i thought he would never leave, but thank god, he left early!
Which brings me to Shaun.. >,< he left really early.. I'm afraid I hurt him. goddamnit.. i do this to every guy I meet.. I wish I could be more warm and loving but i gotta hurt the ones I love cause I'm a crazy whorebitch from hell.
I was thinkin last night "Naya, why do you hurt people?"reasons: 1) I don't want to be stepped on or dominated 2) I'm a coward
3)I'm selfish 4) I'm corrupted 6) I'm concieted 7) I'm apathetic....need I say more? I had a really good reason last night why I hurt people but I forgot it >,As I stood against the wall I watched everyone dance their pathetic dances and I wondered why? Why do we just go to these stupid functions. Everyone would be much better without it. I think that because it is the no.1 break up spot. I wonder if anyone would ever break up if it weren't for dances. Perhaps it is because everyone goes there to show off their skills to all of your friends and also to be close to people that they don't always associate with. I usually go to the dances thinking that I might dance with someone. It happens only rarely (see "reasons why i hurt people #s 1-2 and 4). I just want to feel.. accepted maybe appreciated... maybe loved.
I guess I see dances as a battle of being accepted or not. As you may see I'm not usually accepted by anyone. now im just rambling
what I'm trying to say is I'll never really be accepted and I'll never accept anyone. I'm just a lonely, desperate loser.
I think I'll join a nunnery and become a nun. Then I could leave my crusty life without the pleasure of having people spit on my grave =)
I'll do good work for the world and I'll never feel lonely cause I'll be married to God! I'll learn to appreciate life by reading the bible and rejoycing in what God has created =)!!! Or... I'll just move on an live like a normal person..except without any friends but my cats, which I will feed only 1 a week and I'll never clean out their cat boxes. You know, I'll be one of those crazy cat ladies..
or maybe I'll just be me, a hollow, selfish, ghost in a shitty human shell.. I'm sorry I hurt you =(

Jeebus! I don't update enough!
Tonight I'm going to a dance, and I am planning on dancing (well, maybe pretending to dance anyway!).
I hope there is a good DJ. I hope I have fun too, cause somtimes I don't. Somtimes I just wander about aimlessly hoping that some
sexay manwhore woud dance with me.... or that some of my friends might show up. Sometimes I just don't feel like dancing and just sit around feeling uncomfortable. Then there are times when i dance and feel uncomfortable... feh..
My friend Rui, from Portugal, says that there is alcohol and drugs at his school dances. He dun use that stuff so he never goes for more than an hour. Rui is a good boy ^,^!! My boyfriend Shaun-san never dances, he is afraid to make an arse of himself.
I never really figured him a dancer anyway.. but when I mentioned that I enjoy grinding, he was all "I bettah gets my sexay ass on da dance floor, yo!" and I be like "yah.. whatevah.."
My friend Chris is a great dancer, he is a DDR champ ! He is one sexy hunk of man-beast too! ^,^ but he doesn't really think so...
Last summer I went on this "teen boat cruise" and there was dancin goin on... and I was just chillin with my ppls. So this tall dude wearing a black t-shirt asked one of my ppls (tameca) to dance, but she was too skeerd so I be like "hey I'll dance with you" and the
dude was all like "okay". So on account of he was tall I had to get reeel close to him to get my arms around his shoulders. OMFG!
He smelled SOO GOOD!!!! He smelled like freshly washed laundry and a hint of cologne. It was a hot evening and his sweat made his shirt damp and it clung to his back. He asked me if I had a boyfriend, but since the music was so loud he had to whisper in my ear. I got goosebumps so bad!!! He then asked me where I lived, and I told him. He said he played basketball here once--wow I loved his voice.. ahh the memories... I still get goosebumps thinkin about it ^.^!!!

The subject of today is.... Memories! with the subtitle: Jumping Off Really High Things =)
On a camping trip last summer I had the opportunity to see some really great scenery! I saw some amazing
waterfalls, caves, cliffs, mountains, lakes and sunsets, that were all so pretty in their own way. =)
One waterfall in particular interested me. It was half dried up and you could walk to the edge of it and look down onto the blue-green water.
Well, I walked out there, ignoring the "NO SWIMMING" signs and the "TRAIL CLOSED SIGNS", to the edge. There were a few tourists standing on the main trail, a few of them were Asian ^,^ and a few were just some blubbery ol' Americans. They were all staring at me
wondering if i was gonna commit suicide or somthing. Which could have been possible on account of that the waterfall was like 50 feet up (I'm not the best judge of hight, all I can tell ya is that it was really high up!!)and the water at the bottom was full of jagged rocks!
I decided that I was gonna impress everyone and myself by jumpin off this geological wonder.Well, I was smart and tested the water before I went up so I knew exactly where to jump. I looked down at the water, I was really,really, really freakin scared. I could see from up there that there was a ledge that jutted out about halfway down that I hadn't really seen before. The sun was beating down on my back and I felt a little dizzy. The space in which I could jump safely seemed only about 5 feet in diameter. Suddenly thoughts of gettin my brain bashed in by a ledge flashed through my mind. I thought about how I might loose my footing or trip and fall, the worst thought though was of them dragging my dead body out of the water. Another disturbing thought was of my el cheapo swimsuit ripping on impact. Then I had good thoughts of how I would have a interesting story to tell for once, and how i would be impressing the sexay
Asains and the stupid Americans. I thought I would be really proud of myself for jumping. I felt my body being dragged back by my fear, and I felt the exicitement pulling me forward. I really wanted to jump, and I knew I was thinking too much about it. I knew if i worried too much I might loose my footing or miscalculate the distance. The horrible fears might my knees give out while i was springing to leap. I had bad thoughts, then good, then bad thoughts and then good thoughts and then I had a short period of non-thought, I took a deep breath without really realizing it---Then I jumped!!!! When I hit the water, I was kind of surprised..
I can't believe it! I did it!
The Americans cheered! and the Asians were shaking their cute little heads! I DID IT WHEEEE!!!
I loved the excitement of it and I loved that they were cheering for me! So I did it again and again!
Well children, the moral of the story is don't let fear pull you back from what you are determined to do it might make you fuck up.
Another good moral, is to test the waters (but not with both legs) and look for all the hidden ledges before you jump.
Also, you must realize that all platforms from which to jump are not always the ones for you. I couldn't jump off one platform at another park, now that one almost killed me! Thats another story for another day. I think I'm rambling and I've spent more than an hour on this!

Kudos to Xeno for savin my html from eternal damnation and hellfire!
Where would I be without Xeno? I'll tell ya, I would be in the same place except I would be 30 pounds overweight,
a star wars/star trek fan, and probably going out with a certain wannabe elfboy with a subconcious hunchback. *GAG*
And I would have a shitty blog too! I would be writing GW / star wars fanfic cross overs and collecting Precious Moments figures.
I would still be listening to country and I would still want to be a prep. Thanks be to Xeno!!
and thanks to all of ya! wow.. I have some really great friends =)

Friday night. Dunno what to write.
I brused my knee in a freak pole dancing accident.
I went down to the nature trail and listened to the spring peepers.
I climbed huge mountains of dirt and saw a beautiful sunset.
I went to the corner store and got me a green slushie.
I went back to my miserable house and lounged around. What a fruitful day =)
I ate a really nasty pizza with an assload of crappy cheese.
Found some interesting new irrelevant statements such as: Titty Pop
and I discussed writings with XA.
Writings is pretty funny if you think of it like the word "droppings".
Droppings are little turdlets, as opposed to a big fat turd, and writings are little thoughts, as opposed to research papers
or novels with lots or ideas and thoughts and stuff.

The subject for today is.... Love!
I figure I gotta talk about it sometime.
Personally, I swore it off about a year ago, I just didn't believe in it anymore. Which is kind of weird. I've never really experienced it fully
(when I mean fully, I don't mean sex, I mean mutual feelings and just being together) Anyway, I've been cheated on and lied to alot.
I've also had a series of really painful, monotoneus, internet relationships (think: watching the freeza saga for 48 hours nonstop;painful).
One of the most painful parts about being in one of these internet relationships is professing your eternal love to someone you can't see. Thats why I'm not really inclined to tell someone such things on ICQ or whatever. I gotta hear it for real, or I'm not gonna believe it.
Another thing that caused problems was attraction, I mean how could I know if I was attracted to someone I've never seen. I think attraction is underestimated, its really important base for a relationship. It is also a pretty difficult thing, sometimes one could be
attracted to another person without knowing why, other times you could be in love without being attracted (shut up, Its happened in my personal experience) and sometimes you are in love and are attracted. The trick is to find someone who shares the characteristic.
..... I think I'm just rambling, I didn't mean it to turn into an essay. It was gonna be about spring, and how good I feel, honest it was.
Oh well, maybe next time..

I don't really hate you all, I was just letting off a little steam
I hope nobody is insulted =(

May the pain seep deep within your mortal wounds
and try to cleanse your bitter heart
untill your innards burst with unspoken grief
in a darkness heavy and dense.
You drown yourself in your foolish love
and push away the ones
that have trusted you the most
and you trust the untrustworthy
your naivete sickens me
may you drown in your thickend sorrows
may your heart strangle in the lines that you let fall behind you
I hate your selfish affairs of the heart
I hate your problems
that tear me apart.....
-"Hate Poem" Naya =)

The topic of today is people.
You know the people. They live down the street. They have their fancy cars that they are always washing.
They are the people that spread secrets about you. The people that told other people
how you are a good for nothing bitch person that belongs to the geeky people. They are the same people that ran over your cat/dog or cat and/ or dog. Everybody talks about these "people" but does anyone really know who the "people" are? Like the people who just can't seem to keep their mouths shut, you know? Did ya ever hear someone say "I work all damn day and I expect some people around here to have their chores done!" Who are these people and just when were they supposed to do my housework? Or maybe you
have read some peoples away and/or user info and see. "'I love you' means 'I love you' but people just don't understand when people are sorry." This little example is one of the few ways you almost decern who the people are. Like I said, this would be in a person's away msg/ or personal info. If you know who this person is, who put it in their info, and some people who are involved with this person then you know that a person involved with a certain person is the person that made the person upset. Get what I'm saying?
I'm sure you know some people... you know...... THOSE people...

YES, GODDAMNIT!!!! I finally figured it out! YEAH! I'm not as dumb as a turnip after all!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love me!!!!

Sa! My life is nothing but woe! Will not my simple soliloquy be posted? =(

I was gonna waste my time telling all you pathetic humans just how much today sucked and how I was filled with nothing but self-loathing and despair -- but I won't give you the pleasure. Instead I'll just tell you how you all suck and how I'm holier than thou, you stupid, slack-jawed peasants!!! I really really hate all of you. Especially you, and YOU! Why I think I hate you so much I'm gonna go burn likenesses of your stupid selves on my front lawn. All I have to do is dig somthing out of the bottom of my trashcan or out of the dark and moldy bowels of my refrigerator and stick a sign with your name on it. You disgusting, slimy piles of puke!BUUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNN!!!!! GWWAAARRRGH!!