Thursday, July 09, 2009


"Milk of Magnesia is like Katamari for your digestive tract."
-Mr. Motorcycle
It collects any material in it's path to roll away gastro-intestinal distress!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

A Grand Adventure at the Ball Park


A couple weeks ago Michael and I up-and-decided to go to Pittsburgh for a Pirates vs. Rockies game. It was a beautiful day--really a picturesque day for Pittsburgh. We got lost looking for the park and missed the first couple innings. Which was actually sort of all right because we had crappy seats in the outfield and I really couldn't see much beyond Mr. McLouth (pictured above).

He made an awesome catch right in front of our seats which was pretty much worth the price of admission. I also thought I was gonna catch a home run ball in my forehead, but it landed on the other side of the fence where Mike could just barely touch it.
The Pirates lost but it was all good times.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

Did I happen to mention that I was going to see Morrissey tonight?

I know that I did, and I got two responses:

"Who's that?"

and

"The Smiths were okay, but why would you want to see Morrissey?"

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

She loves you NOT.

It's the average Sunday night at your favorite chain restaurant.

You politely ask for a that chicken and bacon thing.

She stands there and makes "that chicken and bacon thing," but with this attitude, this look as if to say:

Not only did you offer sexual favors to my boyfriend, and to my dad,
BUT YOU PROPOSITIONED MY DOG TOO?!

no..I can't prove it..
..but I know all about you!"
Regular Customer

A Tuesday afternoon at your favorite chain restaurant. The doorbell alerts me to the presence of a hungry patron. I shuffle up to the hand washing sink, greet the customer, wash hands, wrestle with fingers of my food preparation gloves.
I stand at the appointed place, with the knife and paper in front of me.
An ordinary middle-aged individual of below average looks.
He stretches his neck out and squints at the menu above my head.
A signal to show he has not decided-- more effort than necessary.
Seconds pass, he looks in my general direction.

He asks, "Can I get a..."

--"AYE AYE AYE!", interrupted Ozzy Osbourne.

A ring tone.
The man clumsily grabs for his cell; his doughy arms shifting to left pocket and right.

"Hullo?"

His poorly drawn tattoos were covered in a haze of ginger colored hair.

(Some people think a t-shirt with torn off sleeves and a camouflage trucker hat is a good look.)

I wait quietly, patiently.

"Just gettin' some subs, ya want anything?"

I wait patiently.

Monday, January 19, 2009


Muh-Mohs!

PETA wants to promote a more positive image for sea critters so people will feel badly about causing them pain and death. Their clever plan is to call fish by another name.

I've adopted my very own Sea Kitten!

Because you wouldn't want to stick a hook through the head of a Sea Kitten!