Today, when I was walking downtown, I saw Sean Springer with an unusually vulnerable expression on his face. For every one man released from captivity how many more are imprisioned?
Then in another instance and another person,well--
Its funny how the slightest facial expression can be more revealing, more disturbing than some actions are. Looking at me that way, was watching someone swerve to hit a housecat crossing the street. You killed a kitty cat in my heart. Have you ever been shocked by the betrayal in a glance? Are you fooled when your friends conceal their feelings under a smile?
Have you ever seen somthing so horrible you have to see it again and again? Have you ever felt concern however frivolous for a stranger that just passes you by?
I'm obsessed, I'm haunted..

I'm disgusted with my lifestyle, I have to build some structure around myself to keep out all the pervasive junk that molds on my intellect like fungi on a shower wall. I feel like my soul is starving to death, in school when I was "participating" in gym class wiffle-ball I noticed how very thin I am. I felt like an ethiopian child standing in the outfield, I was surrounded by well-fed pink and porky american children.
Isolation is my diet of dust and seeds, it is my fault I am so individual, not laughing and energetic like happy, happy, Bethany, not pretty and popular Sarah, or Tai. Society hasn't left anything for me to build me up, I have no sports to keep me moving and not thinking, no church group to keep me a blind slave to treasure in heaven, no mediocre job to make me hard working and responsible. Society owes me nothing, I owe nothing to it in return. I need to save my own self, how?
I saw Rosemary Wells on my walk to the place where I live. She said it was a nice day. I saw a dead chipmunks with flies on it. It smelled bad. What a crazy day. I love you.

Trying to cram an elephant in a tin can is like trying to get all this stuff done so I can graduate highschool. I have so much work to do, it is frustrating, I cannot for the life of me...concentrate. I don't really care about not graduating...I'm crazy you see, but I don't want to be called a failure, failure failure failure, ooh. They are all gonna get so mad at me for not graduating. I'm too stupid to do this right now. All I can think about nowdays is that I'm too stupid to get all this work done. Complaining about this shit consumes most all of my time. I cant concentrate on anyone, or anything. Just try to talk to me you see how incoherant I am. I'm just so tired, so lost.
I can't write anymore, I just don't know how I feel about stuff.
This is so confusing, I'm glad at least I have some very splendid friends that at least try to comfort my obseqious anxiety.

I don't read blogs anymore