I started a big fuckin' fire today.
So I was thinking about doing some chores today so that I wouldn't look completely lazy. I dragged this hefty black bag that was dripping with dog piss out to the burn patch. I was going to burn some papers. I thought it was a nice day, and not too windy. Big mistake.
Now, I usually take a minute to think about how flammable the wooded surroudings are: The big white pine surrounded by brown needles, the dead hemlock trees, and the abandoned tree house playset, not to mention the dry, brittle brush piles lying between everything. I always imagine the fire spreading from the burn patch to the brush to the dead hemlock and the pine needles and to the trees causing a massive conflagration. Yet that never stops me from lighting that match and torching that massive pile of newspapers sitting on top of more newspapers and more newspapers. Only when the fire had been burning for a few minutes had I realized that it was a bit more windy than I had supposed. I threw a couple of thick branches on the fire to keep the wind from blowing it around, it seemed like a problem solved. Well I went back inside of the house to see what Brian was up to. I called Christa too. I was in the house for about five minutes and then I went to look out the window to see what the fire was up to and I saw a lot of fire. "Thats a lot of fire," I thought for a second, and then I realized that the fire had spread to the trees just like I imagined it would, but I imagined it happening to someone else. I ran outside with a bucket full of dog piss water and I realized that it wasn't going to be enough. Some neighbor lady was standing in the side yard and was all like "You better do somthing about that, call the fire department." So I ran back inside and dialed "914". Then I said "shit" then, dialed "911111", then I said "shit" and then I dialed "911" and the phone wasn't on and then I tried to turn the phone on and it wouldn't turn on, and I said "shit shit shit". Brian came down stairs and asked me what the matter was and I said, "look out the window there is a fucking fire, and the phone won't work, shit." Brian said he knew how to get it to work he was shaking that damn piece of shit phone and told me to "go out and tell Bon to get away from the fire." Bon was splashing water on the fire, and some Penn DOT guys were spraying the fire with extinguishers from behind the fence. Thank fucking god, somehow that actually put it out. Bon dragged the garden hose out and it didn't reach to the trees so we had to keep filling buckets and dousing everything. The neighbor next door who is a vampire actually came out in the daylight and sprayed the fire with his garden hose and helped rake up the remaining brush. I guess he isn't a vampire after all he is actually pretty nice.
I wonder if I'm gonna get yelled at for this, its not like its entirely my fault that the fire pit is built too close to the trees and that Bob stacked all that brush and shit there. I am so thankful that those people came over to help stop the fire. I'm glad that we never did get in touch with the fire department because I probably would have gotten fined, and it would be so damned embarassing.