This post is not about church.

So I'll put the whole, "church memoirs" thing on the back burner for a while, or maybe just scrap it all together.
I hadn't thought out what I was trying to say. I was trying to explain a few things I had been thinking about for the past year. Mostly having to do with abandoning all belief in the Christian god, any belief in the supernatural, karma, fate, and the like.
I feel like I'm born again. I feel more hopeful, more challenged, more alive than ever.
I don't feel like I have everything figured out, and I'm glad there are so many things in the world left to know.
But the things I do know, are in my heart, in my mind. My values and my resolve to do what is right for me, these things are all I really have in life. My hopes die, affections die, life dies, everything is so fragile and fleeting, how can I rationally choose to go on living? How can I go on losing my money, and youth, and health and treasured possessions?
How can I go on when I lose the one I love?
I go on living because I believe in what's most important, things that can't be taken from me, bonds that can never be broken. Memories of those who inspired me, the pride of having inspired or helped them in any way. Friendship, learning from each other, helping others to grow. There are many, many ideas, and memories and feelings.
I can take these things and push onward into the future.