I just got done shuffling about at the dance. I love parish center dances only because they play really loud music. The bass feels marvelous pounding at ones back, making the heart knock at the ribs!
I left early because I felt out of place and that I was better than the dance-- OMFG Mr.DJ followed "Stairway to Heaven" by some song by Nellie-- I don't think thats legal!!!!! Anyway, I am a retard, and I danced like a fruit. So I suppose its best i retract my statment about being better than the dance. Even though the party wasn't "hoppin' " and I was being "special" and I left early,
I can't help feeling.. perhaps it was a fruitful experience none-the-less.... hmmm..

What Spooky Being are You?



You are a vampire.

What legend are you?. Take the Legendary Being Quiz by Paradox

---Don't Say You Want Me---Depeche Mode--
I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above
The gods decree
You'll be right here by my side
Right next to me
You can run, but you cannot hide

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

I'll be fine
I'll be waiting patiently
Till you see the signs
And come running to my open arms
When will you realise
Do we have to wait till our worlds collide?
Open up your eyes
You can't turn back the tide

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

I'm going to take my time
I have all the time in the world
To make you mine
It is written in the stars above

Don't say you want me
Don't say you need me
Don't say you love me
It's understood
Don't say you're happy
Out there without me
I know you can't be
'cause it's no good

----------such a mawkish song---but I've been stuck on it for days.
I wonder if anyone knows what it is to hear such a, odd and/or old and/or strange and/or icky and/or stupid, song
and love it anyway because its tied to some lovely memory, or feeling that you can't describe... I dunno
whoa... I think that sounds like my life.. "an icky song":me, and "a lovely memory or feeling attached": being everything that makes up for me being icky. Which explains why a few, select, special, people like me...
or I'm just crazy and need sleep

Tomorrow is my birtday, but today I already got a card from my best friends and I got some M&M's and a panda/babydoll keychain from another best friend. Thank you all very much! =)

I've just figured that Its just ever soo much easier to write about things you hate that what you love. I wonder if thats true for everyone, or am I just crazy?
I think I'm gonna try and get into the spirit of the seasons by writing about nice things......
*gag* now that just sounds so... *gag* pleasant... I'll try and choke it down...

Things I FUCKING HATE!!!!!! MYAAArgghhooooorrrpppppipoooo!!!!
1. bob the drama queen
2.coldness, winter, icy toilet seats, cold floors
3.@$*@@$#@ING!!!! deadlines!
4. school projects
5. forgetting stuff
6. the dog
7. I hate people I hate!!!
8. when my socks don't fit
9. when my pants are too tight
10. when I have to pee really bad and I'm standing in line
11. sour chocolate milk is the fucking nastiest smell in the world
12. other peoples snivling problems ex: "Bon wont get out of the bathroom when I command her, though I know I could have gotten up earlier, but no! I am king and what I say goes"
13. tests
14. FRIKKIN EYE PICTURES
15. EYE PICTURES W/LUGUBRIOUS POEMS!!!!!!
16. Goddam Mondays
17. Mondays during the winter, when I have to deal with bob's shit, my clothes dont fit, I have a deadline on a school project, and when I get to school I forget the project at home, and I have a test I didn't study for because I was working on my project and I have to stay in class late to finish flunking it up and I get in the long lunchline and have to pee but can't or I'll have to wait in line again and all thats left in the milk cooler is the dented chocolate milk cartons that just happen to contain sour, chunky milk and then I have to 5 minutes to eat, after which I go and endure the rest of the boring, educationally unfullfilling schoolday, then go home and have the stupid dog jump up on me, or find puddles of piss on the floor, but I ignore it all and go to the computer and try to find some half-decent posts on the oekaki board but all I see are those stupid fucking n00b eye pictures with stupid poems........
blargh... oh well...

myarr.. where are you my darling? Better question: where am I?
Oh I miss you so!! (in a pityful, whiny dog howling voice) RAAAAAAUUUUU RAAAAAUUUUUU RAAAAAAAUUUUU......
I hope you havn't forgotten about me, My Love!!!! *dies*
*un-dies* I'm missin ya Joey.....

La la la... Its so much fun living at my house, somthing died in the furnace duct thingies and smellies are blowing all over the house. Another annoyance is bob. He took up the guitar and he plays is so loud... and so bad, over and over and over and over. When bob is not playing, his other favorite passtime is telling everyone how utterly useless they are and how they should do everything perfectly the way he would do it. (I think he's an angry boy and needs to get counciling).
I love how people are constantly calling (not for me) but I always have to get up and answer them and say "yeah, bob's here and he's jerking off, call back a li'l later". Then there is that poor, stupid animal buster who is infested with fleas and is neurotic and must bite himself constantly. Doing dishes at the darrin house is one of the most fun things in the universe. There are so many dishes it drives me crazy. I know we have way too many but I can get rid of them. I hate dishes, doing them depresses me so bad. Momma, if you read this pleeaase please can we rid of or just hide some dishes, BLAAAAARGH!!!! IT DRIVES ME NUTS!!!!!!
The accumulation of "stuff" like dishes is seriously out of control, at least in my opinion. There are soo many books, shoes, cleaning products, clothes, and miscillaneous shit that I can't understand why we keep. Feh...

"Congratulations, ZeeBubbleFish!
Your IQ score is 122 "
"...we can tell your Intellectual Type is an Insightful Linguist."
yep thats me...

------Alone-----
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were--I have not seen
As others saw--I could not bring
My passions from a common spring--
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow-- I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone--
And all I lov'd--I lov'd alone--
Then--in my childhood--in the dawn
Of a most stormy life--was drawn
From ev'ry depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still--
From the torrent, or the fountain--
From the red cliff of the mountain
From the sun that round me roll'd
In its autumn tint of gold--
From the lighting of the sky
As it pass'd me flying by--
From the thunder, and the storm--
And the cloud the took the from
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view--

Edgar Allan Poe

I feel like shit... complete shit...
why??...

----Heartsick----
Pretty girl waiting for a kill
Smile full of malace, heartbreak is her thrill
Your precious affection
Cannot sheild you from her deception
Her eyes unblink as she belts out lies
Only you fall for it- raise your hope to the skies
Believe until she finds other happiness
In her scramble to fill the emptiness
Truth decays, and from her detatchment seeps
Cold, Ruthless lies-- the unhappy end
Her malevolence engulfs you, ------------------------------------and haunts you in your sleep

Its Friday night and everyone in the world is at the dance. I bet somthing really fucking awesome or funny happens as always does when I'm not there. I didn't wanna go because I just don't feel jiggy when i don't have any real clique to dance with and I'm like the oldest person there.When the dance ends I go home and I get deserted and its no fun to do nothing after doing everything. And there are always people harshing my mellow (lol) with their damn soap operas... boo friggin hoo...
I'm just gonna sit here and be content doing nothing on nothing.

------Hunger------
You are so sweet, ever so smooth
Oblivious to my consuming adoration.
Great and creamy, calling my passion,
Until I call you to feed my appetite
Repose in a cold chamber
Tried and true, I hunger for you

With all of the new bloggers being created and linked every which way, I'm starting to feel like an insignificant name in a huge pile. Bleh... but that doesn't matter. I think its really fantastic that more people around here are getting blogs. Everyone can display what they really feel about shit, once the've had time to think it over. Things can come out more clearly and truthfully when you don't have to stare people in the face. Perhaps... that might not be a good thing... but, anyway.. its getting people connected....

someone once asked me what the goal of my life is, and this is what I told him: "I want to be a great artist, a good person, happy, and I want to live a long life with someone I love."
Isn't that nice!

weeee heeee! I finally solved the Ice Manor puzzle in Alundra. It probably doesn't mean much to you, but I was so happy I almost shat myself! God, I must be stupid, I must have tried the same pattern 80 times but I missed just one little move. It was so damn easy!

I can't say that trying to "fix things" for people has ever worked at all, at least in my experience. You just can't say a few magic words or do things that will just make it all go away. I know i've really tried to help people out by doing things but.. thats just not the way it works. Most peoples problems, their heartaches, can't be changed by fighting their enemies, can't be changed by fighting someone elses battles.They wont learn anything if you do and say everything for them. Sometimes meddling with peoples troubles just makes everything worse.
The best thing you can do for your friends is just be there for them. Listen to what they have to say. You don't have to be brave for them, just be there, on their level and remind them that you are a friend and that they can confide in you.

I did a little updating on my geocities page, check out my page of friends.

Today I went to visit Alfred College, which wasn't too impressive. Though, I liked that It was on top of a mountain; it had a nice view, and it was kind of pretty when it snowed. But the buildings themselves were a disgusting example of modern architecture. You know; those kinds of buildings that have disgusting brown tile floors, a lack of ornamentation, sickly green colored walls, and poor ventalation.
I wonder why so many building s were built to look modern back in the 60's or 70's or whenever.. It doesn't look modern. I't looks like baby shit. Anyway.. I'm ranting, I should save that for the main event of my blog, which just so happens to be of the assembly we had today.
You probably have heard my rants about Penn-York Camp (if you havn't your probably should, I think they're pretty damn entertaining). Well those darling people have touched my life again with a presentation that will shape my life for years to come! *sarcasm* Those little skits were so well written, and performed I'm sure it changed the minds of every student that witnessed it *sarcasm*.
In all actuality I couldn't really understand what the hell those people were talking about. Though I did get a very clear picture that, even before they annouced they were affiliated with the camp, they were christians. One reason I could tell this is because their skits lacked reasons for why the things they did were wrong. What I mean is, through the whole thing I had a feeling that they cut out biblical ideology (ideas from the bible about good and bad) so they could present it to the school without violating any laws. Another reason is that if they weren't trying to impress watered down ideology on us ("be pure because being pure will benifit your life. Be pure just because."), they sure as hell didn't give us any facts. I'm sure if they weren't penn yorkers they would have supported their ideas about being pure with some real world facts about health and statistics about people dying; some real hard hitting stuff. The last thing is, that they rambled. This was a dead giveaway because they gave testimonials, like "witnesses to the lord" almost the exact same style i had heard in my brief penn-york chapels. They rambled on an on "Being pure will save you, being pure will..blah blah blah..". Just like the witnesses I had heard at camp "Believe in Jesus, accept him as your only savior and you will be saved," repeat 30x.
I'm not saying though, that christians are bad or stupid or anything like that. I'm trying to rip on those god awful penn-yorkers. They can't organize any damn ideas and present them in a way that we can accept or understand or even pay attention to. Like I said in my last rant about PYers is that they rant until their message becomes obscured.
(Though I can't claim that my writing is getting any real point across; I believe that if people are gonna take it upon themselves to make a change in everyones life, they should at least have real facts, ideas, and stories to present.)
I think that the whole assembly was terrible. The acting was poor, the writing was poor, and it looked like it was organized in 30 minutes.The skits were ambigous and confused the messages(its not okay to drink use, drugs or have sex, but It sure is hell funny to beat up your friends). The only thing that almost redeemed it was the people testifying about there own experiences, but they didn't say much that was relevant to their ideas of purity, and again: their skits confused it all.
Near the end of the assembly I was going mad, the man on stage was blabbering and I just about screamed "wrap it up you dumb fuck". I can only take so much relentless branding of ideas on to my mind! Especially when they are preaching to the choir.
I'm not gonna say I'm all snow white pure, but I do abstain from drugs, sex, and other things that could incriminate me, or make me otherwise smelly. I do it for real reasons too, not because jesus wants me to or because "its just a good idea", but because this is a dangerous world and I'm not the kind of person who could easily handle consequences of fucking around with stuff.