It doesn't make much sense:

I guess I could find some satisfaction that I tried to live as well as I could,
the best life that a stupid, pathetic, lost person could.
I don't believe in the afterlife, is just more of the same "before I was born" nothing stuff.
I feel that life is precious, it makes me want to search and live for greater things knowing that this is it.
I was pretty young when I began to truly appreciate the richness of life.
As I grew older and experienced more things and grew aware of lifes complexities, I became intimidated.
Isn't it supposed to be the opposite, I don't know.
I built my house on the sinking sand.
I'm not proud of the way I've been living my life. I'm very weak in my convictions.. bleh.. just fucking look at me, I'm practically screaming "Take advantage of me!"
Life still matters to me, all I want is to grow, and keep everything that matters most to me, close to me. I just can't have what I want right now. Who needed more than I had to give?
Changing doesn't matter when you don't know what you want. I just wanted to be good enough. Change...what kind of puffs-of-air rhetoric are you gonna come up with this time to defend this holy war, Naya? ...like, just exisisting is a moral dilemma.
It's all just black and white and 100 mph.
One thing I've wanted was to be in love. I've been raised on totally fantastical ideals. Disney movies and radio love songs. I wondered why those love stories don't end up more like mom and dad, or auntie, or like mr. neighbor (i mean as bad as you can imagine).
My "love" story ends like this:
we get into some kind of fight, probably because I'm jealous of him. I'll be all like "Oh he thinks I'm a bitch, hey. I'm gonna chase him down in my SUV. hey. We will see who is a bitch." I'll accidentally, but totally on purpose run him over, then purely accidentally back over him again. I'll be destroyed and remorseful about backing over him again, because he didn't deserve that one. But I'll always be confused about whether I really meant to run him over and kill him in the first place.
This is the way it's been, I'm so scared that it might always be that way. It makes me sad that I might only know a life of regret.