I have this silly idea that somehow, there is this single golden thread of goodness in the universe. This is the law of the universe that there must always be goodness in the world, I do not mean God, or glory or heaven. I mean there is this balance of goodness in the world, thats unavoidable. It creates miracles, generates luck, allows us to live and see and love people and things and is the light in a universe full of darkness. Its a string with beads on it, beads being people and things and we are all held together by it.
I'm fucking talking like a crazy person *sigh*..
But I've seen too many things that just oppose my idea. It scares me that everything the cynics say might be true, that life is about buying stupid shit, about doing stupid shit, sex, drugs, and violence. The world is a cruel fucking place so get over it. It must be true right, that lack of stupid shit will make you a miserable, ugly prude. I'm the most miserable person I know, it must be true because I have nothing that the world considers important!!!!!! I'm miserable because I watch everyone I know being so fucking happy with everything I wish I had, I wish even if it caused me more pain to experience.
No.. I'm miserable because I know I can change it all, for me and for everyone in some small way, but I don't.
Its all just so silly, I've been living in my own head for too long.
I say such stupid things. I just sit here an think about life but never do anything.