We live in America. I was told from elementary school that this is the best country to live in.
And when I was a kid I could believe it. We are fed at least three blanced meals a day with snacks most times. The president is the smartest guy in the world because he rules our wonderful country. The army protects the USA in case of invaders. We will always be safe and cared for in the good ol USA. Sleep well at night.
Well we live in a wonderful country, I always can feed myself, I can go buy stupid shit at Hot Topic, I sleep in a warm house, in a warm bed, in a safe little town tucked far away in the hills. I have some family that loves me, a little pet cat, all the computer time I could ever want. Videogames, Television, Movies, CD's, makeup, magazines, books, posters. More than my mother had, more than my mother's mother, both combined.
So.. If I live in the land of plenty, the land of opportunity,
I reasonably have nothing to be sad about.
But why do I cry like a child every fucking night? I'm just a fucking EMO kid right. Crying cause my daddy took the keys away from my brand new SUV. Well.. WELL? I'm ungrateful and lazy, my mother hints when I tell her I am tired. I'm told I don't know what tired is. Tired is working my ass off in a stuffy basement and came home and making dinner and doing dishes for my family. ....That is true I know....
I'm not tired..not in the way you thought... or maybe I am ungrateful, lazy, sad fucking EMO kid...

I cry from lonliness, despair, remorse, self-loathing, hoplessness, fear, and pain. Every emotion that everyone fears. I fear it especially, but not so much that I fear to express it. Which makes me feel set much apart from everyone else.

I keep thinking that everyone fears to express themselves, even just a little bit. When you vent your grief you say I'm such a fucking emo kid. No. Those are perfectly valid feelings. Its so stupid to say they really have not emotional merit.
Its stupid for eveyone I know to repress themselves from what they feel.

I can't quite describe this thought I have its so clear it has so much meaning to me.....
This fucking land of substance, objects, image.....fucking america....it's fucking people....
What good is this country if people deny the pain of the world, of themselves and go shopping and watch TV....
Where is the emotion, where is the heart?
What I'm trying to say through all of this is that feeling somthing isn't wrong. Expressing it isn't wrong (within reason). Without expressing emotion you will grow to be fearful of it. "Just smile" everyone says. I know they mean well but a fake smile won't do. Only if I tell you will I somehow feel better. Fuck.. I can't find the words to explain... I hope that somehow you try to understand what I mean.
Emotion is ugly. People don't want to hear what they fear.
Appearances are deciving yet much more comfortable.
A plastic smile on a happy meal toy..