I'm a Loser
someday though I'd like to say, I'm not a Loser, I tried! I'm a Failure!!

I'm glad I don't have any insignificant other to snivel about all damn day.
Yeah, my life is so empty...(you'll see that without a neglectful boyfriend I have plenty to whine about)
I'm not lonely though, I have my homeworks to keep me company.
I'm gonna be forming an even closer relationship with my school books as soon as my momma finds I'm failing sociology.
I think I'm probably gonna be bitchy the next couple of weeks, have a lot of guilt and a lot of stress and shame.
I know I'll be patronized and degraded by the resident hobo, and bob.
....and when they ask me, "what the hell is wrong?-- why do my grades suck ass?.
God, I don't know what to say. I hate excuses, I don't believe in them, nothing is good enough to say.
Was I tired?-yes-verymuch so.
Burdened with other work--yes. I was preoccupied witha few insubstantial things that any well adjusted 11th grade student should be able to handle.
Lazy? I still can't determine if it was lazy. I know I procrastinated but I did work on the assignments I turned in.. yet..
yeah I'm lazy, but I firmly believe that I cannot write.
I can't write your stupid five pages of forgettable bull-shit.
I cannot, for the life of me, compose a paragraph of 5-7 sentences that convey complete thoughts, or focus on a single topic.
The Stupid things: conformity of language, stringent verbal constipation...... When It comes down to it, I really can't write things I don't care about.
I don't care about anything so how can I write?

I have no job, no extracirricular activities, not involved with any substantial social organization,don't do housework, have very few friends, and I'm not brilliant and my parents aren't rich.
Missing everything that would--for those lovely average people-- make my life "worth living" everything that would make me succesful.

A loser and outcast for life.

I find it very sad that I don't know how to make my life better...

I need to turn myself around. I keep on feeling like I owe it to myself to do well. But I just can't keep myself going.
I feel like I need to make a change in the world. Where the hell am I gonna start?
I can't make a change at home, what makes me thing I can do anything anywhere else.
I need to start my junior project soon... err NOW.. so uh, someone remind me to do that so I don't fail this year.
There are so many problems, so many stupid things clogging my mind, all terrible burdens that I can't say, I can't burden you with.
so many things I want to do, but I'm paralyzed with fear.
---The bottom line here is that I'm lazy, and distracted.

My worst fear in life is ending up living in this town the rest of my life, as a cashier at costa's and married to some fucking shit hobo...
So why the fuck am I not doing anything? Why?
--------------count the times I say "Its time for change"
Just how long will it take me to do it?