---- Naya Has the Crazies!! ------------------------------------------------------
myarph.. I can't believe I'm blogging this.--eh maybe I can. You see I need to write this here, I want certain people to know...
After a year and some months or consideration, I have come to the conclusion that I need professional help.
Only recently I have gained the intelligence to realize--to compose why I believe I need it.
First of all: I should have gone to a counsilor back when I was a kid, when I was first asked if I needed help. Since then I've had a bunch of crap on piled on my mind like dog turds in the back yard. But then again- I was just a kid, and after the first terrifying experience--spainish inquisition-- I never wanted to go back--I needed to protect myself which leads me to my--
second point: I am throughly convinced I've developed a series of phobias that effect my way of life. Not only that, I believe I have some really bad anxiety disorder. The other day I was listening to the radio and some lady on a commercial says, " do you have frequent fears of failing, of dying, of losing control.Do you cry often or easily, are you afraid that you can never live the life you want, that you are being sucked into a black vortex of never ending doom? (I embellish, I cant remember quite what was asked.) Are you constantly worried about friends or family? etc. I says to the radio " yes, yes, yes, yes,no,yes,yes,only on mondays,yes"."Ha" I think, "all those yesses, thats kind of funny, lol"
--"If you answer "Yes" to four or more of these questions, you may have anxiety disorder. "Oh, shit" I thinks,"I answered, like, double that."
Oh, then I was reading in my health book symptoms of anxitey disorders and such and I'm all like:"Shit again"-- Confirming what I had previously theorized.
Third Point:I figured for a long time that I had somthing wrong with me, that I was all annoyed and uptight for some reason. I believe that talking about all of it will help relieve the crap in my mind--a pooper scooper for my soul!
But seriously folks, I think that its my responsibily to get myself together. Like some sort of milestone of growing up-- like getting ones license, like getting confirmed by the church, like taking on responsibility for ones transgressions, getting a job-- but I havn't done any of these things-- I'm afraid of doing it. I figure that I have to start here--getting help. If I actually do get help--If I'm brave enough-- I'll be prouder of myself than I ever have been in my life.
........You see, I can't think of anything more terrifying than going to get counciling, just thinking about it makes me shiver, choke back tears, run around like a chicken with its head cut off. If I conquer this fear it would be an extreme triumph. I know its not gonna be easy, probably not fun, but I feel I need to do it. Cause underneath being deathly terrified, and apprehensive I'm very excited about the benifits, and the possiblities.
---- You must be thinking I'm silly or somthing. This has nothing to do with the blogger or school. I wouldn't go through the school to get help because they are prying evil bastards.
---Please post your thoughts on this. But whatever you do don't speak a word of this out loud. Its not that I care if everyone knows. I care if bob and the old man knew. If you tell them I will be very hurt and excommunicate you for the rest of my life--I'm not joking.