Your Heart is Red


What Color is Your Heart?
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Tomboy


What's your sexual appeal?
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The dance sucked, as dances usually do.
I figure there is two ways to look at a dance: grabass perspective, dance perspective.
Some people don't have fun when they don't have their boyfriend to fondle and to be fondled by.
Some people don't have fun when the songs suck and they can't dance.
To measure last nights dance on the grabassocity and the dancosity scale from my perspective:
It sucked. which means I didn't have kinky alien sex with anyone in the corner, and I didn't dance.
Everyone else seems to have had a good time. O_O;;
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Well how could I have fun, dances just aren't my place. All I can think about is drawing and writing.
Additionally, I feel that I am the only person who knows the true reality that dances are pointless, and fake, and its just a bunch of little white 7th graders shuffling to that darn rap music!
Seriously, I'm not going to anymore dances except the end of the year dance. Its pointless for me to dance all by myself, or sit in the corner and have nobody to talk to. It just makes me kind of ill observe the divisiveness of everybodys stuck up cliques. I also dispise the little dance circles that form so tightly I can't get in. Everyone just turns their back to me and when I tell them to move its like "you weren't invited".
Also, what is with you people who cluster so tight against the wall and shuffle like the little 7th graders?God damn. There is a whole dance floor and nobody cares that you dance like a fucktard. ITS A DANCE, NOT A CLUSTER FUCK! Its so convieniant when I set my drink down and everyone starts clustering in front of it. So when I come back I have to push people out of the way, then they all cluster again and then someone farts. I grab my drink hold my breath and push through them but they don't even notice me even though I'm punching them and pushing. But then they step on my feet, they don't notice that either... what a rant this has turned out to be....
I HATE YOUR GODDAMNED CLUSTERS! YOOOOOUR GODDAMNED CLUSTERS, O THE CLUSTERS! I WILL DESTROY THE CLUSTERS!!


Goddess of the Moon. Beauty, yet a sadness lurks
about you at times. But hey, pain is beauty,
right?


What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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I didn't rant about the beach. I'm so lazy.
The beach was lovely. The most lovely fact was that it was sunny and warm there and everyone back home was enjoying cold, grey weather. Buring myself in the sand was fun. I also enjoyed the fact that there was absolutely nothing on my mind. Nothing to think about, not school, not the stupid things people do, not even on guys. I just lay on the beach and let my mind atrophy.
I also enjoyed going out to eat. I love buffets.
The seafood buffet was funny cause the people who worked there had to be uber friendly.
There are about a hundred seafood buffets in myrtle beach and the people had to be nice or they would go out of business. I bet one of those waiters would poke themselves in the eye with a straw if you told them to.
I've never seen so many fake blondes in my life, save for the time I went into Abercrombe and Fitch. Anyway, every girl there looked the same. They looked like bacon with blonde highlights. Every guy looked the same too, they all wore wifebeaters, and wore their hats backward.
I met some cool people at the beach though. They liked ride elevators and skimboard and cause anarchy at the hotels. We hung out in the ballroom at the top of the hilton.
We found this guy wearing A teenage mutant ninga turtels t-shirt. He like to play mario games.
This lil 11 year old who liked to smoke, pissed off a balcony at the Hilton. He pissed on himself a little too.

....It's a bit early in the midnight hour for me, to go through all the things that I wanna be.
I don't believe in everything that I see, you know I'm blind so why do you disagree?
These are crazy days but they make me shine. Time keeps rollin' by...-Oasis.

------It's Springtime Again-----
I feel like reflecting on last spring and comparing with this year...

--I just got done playing 3 hours of FFII, boring as hell but I still think I could have played it 3 more hours. Gotta feed my addiction. I'm trying to finish what I started last year around this time.
--I like Grigore Elko, he is a ever flowing spring of entertainment. Except when he talks about tests or studying. Blah. I don't have a crush on him anymore. I don't know why, oh well I'm still fond of him.
--But I do still have a crush on my silly internet friend, Joey. I wonder what the hell happened to him. He's probably married and had three children since the last time I've seen him. I'm probably forgotten, oh well. Man, I loved that guy...
--I still listen to coldplay, I was entranced with the first CD last year and now their new one this year.
Its really...super.
--Last year I was "going out" with someone.. I still feel really bad what I did, and didn't do to him. God that guy was such a nice guy, and I neglected him. I guess I wasn't emotionally mature... or somthing. I wish I could of explained it, but I couldn't find the words. I'm still not very mature, but I'm trying now, trying to be mature. Anyway, I still feel guilty, because I didn't tell him how I felt-- that idea keeps me feeling alienated from this person.
I just want him to know how sorry I am, and how it still bugs me. Then again, If it didn't work out it didn't work out, forgiven and forgotten and all that nonsense...
--I don't gaze at the sunsets as much as I used to, because they still remind me of my friend. It feels lonely to watch it alone, but what can I do?
I used to watch them alone and thats just what I'll do now.

myarph... I walked down to the playground, and went swing swing on the swing, and after about 15 seconds, I'd get nauseous. I used to be able to go hours swinging.
I just can't handle that excessive physical exertion.

-----The Bible of Corruption---
Lesson 1.
The Book of Shallow verse:1-2

I judge my self worth by what my boyfriend thinks of me.
I must be a better person because I have a boyfriend.

Everyone that surrounds me reflects what I think of myself.
If they don't reflect well on me then they must be losers.

Which Jhonen Vaquez character are you? By EmReznor.

God, dances are so stupid. All the drama in the world happens there, and It shouldn't because its a happy-dance-dance nice place except for the fucktards that screw everything up. I think perhaps it is the only place some of the fucktards ever get together. How bout, if you have beef with someone you settle it in school, or at lunch, somewhere when a catfight- or rumble would be quite appreciated.
-------okay so this topic has been covered a million times, and nobody reads my blog anyway so I guess telling you this was fruitless-------

My blog is sad. No, he really is!
my blog needs a hug.
*hug*

Yesterday, I went to my lovely little interview for the governor's school. It was the most stressful and nerve wracking event that I can remember ever having.
I can't explain how well the interview went because I felt so nervous and sick. I can't explain how well the drawing assignment went either, I think my drawing lacked perspective and dimension, not to mention creativity. But I can't say that I'm a very good judge of that. My emotions on the subject are quite mixed, I feel as if my artwork didn't measure up to everyone elses, but I felt like it was a plus that mine seemed different, and came from a different perspective. I didn't really have the time to look at everyones work so I really don't know. I just feel uncertain about the whole thing, like being cast away at sea with no direction. So I'm quite eager to forget the whole thing, the interview and gonvernors school like it never happened. I'll probably look into other things I can do this summer, just in case I don't make it.

----memoir of a long time game player---
Now that I think about it..If memory serves me right--though it doesn't often.
My SNES has been a good childhood companion as well. Especially before Christa was my friend.
I didn't have any good friends when I was a little kid. For resons beyond my control and personal preference I was alienated form the rest of the people my age.
I really can't remember how much I played games, maybe I played very little, and maybe I didn't play much at all. But I do remember playing to keep my mind occupied from things that made me miserable.
Now that I think of It I have spent an ungodly amount of time playing. While other kids would go to soccer, volleyball and basketball practice, I sat and played Mario.
Mario Paint, Mario Kart, Super Mario Land, Dr. Mario, Super Mario RPG and Yoshi's Island Super Mario All Stars with: Super Mario, Super Mario: The lost Levels and Super Mario 2 and 3. were all games I spent substantial time playing--- I mean days and days for each game.
I also conqured Donkey Kong Country, DK2 and Batman Returns. I've also attempted the mindnumblingly retarded Tom and Jerry and my sisters game Mario Teaches Numbers. I've mastered Tetris and Tetris 2, Yoshi's Cookie and Uniracers. I Kicked Giygas ass in Earthbound, I trashed Smithy in Super Mario RPG, and "Woke The Sleeper" in Zelda ( with the help of Xa's Gameboy Super adapter) and after 45 hours of gameplay I'm almost ready to conclude FFII.
... Thats alotta freakin game play!! Not to mention the weekends I've laid to waste with rented games: Mario's Time Machine, Star Fox, DK3, Clay Fighters, Clay Fighters 2, Earthworm Jim, Earthworm Jim 2, Ren and Stimpy, Aladdin, Bubsy Bobcat 2, Tiny Toon Adventures, The Lion King, and 7up cool spot.
Jesus! Now that I've seen how many games I've listed, I see that I've wasted my entire misguided childhood playing games!
------------ And Thats Just My SNES experience!---
I could ramble on and on about my Playstation. Especially the time I spent on the Tomb Raider ( I, II, III and IIII), and Crash Bandicoot series (I, II, III). Woo! and LunarSSS, and like 50 hours on Alundra, and those precious moments with Namco Museum with classic arcade games like: Galaga, Pac-Man, Toypop, Pole Position, Rally-X, New Rally X and Bosconian.I've also spent a substantial time on Jet Moto, and Oddworld and the frustrations of FFVII. I'm Currently playing FFIX
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I've even played The SNES rom on the computer, I've laid wast to perfectly good summer days by playing Salor Moon R, Zelda and The impossibly adorable Kirby's Dream World.
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I've played Old School NES, Batman, Snake Rattle and Roll, and the holy trinity: Super Mario Bros, Tetris and Super Mario Bros. 3.
----God I've spent damn near 3/4 of my life up to this point playing games!!!!!!!
It's either an addiction, a hobby, or the essential lifeblood that flows through my veins.
Or I'm just a nut, whatever....

I wish I had a good guy, someone that I mean the world to--someone who would mean the world to me.
Yesterday, I became so fluffy and sentimental--gazing at the faded, medium-rare sunset. The wind smelled like spring and the night was mild and calm. I heard the voices of the spring peepers down in the swamp.
The experience triggered faint emotions, reflections of silly mawkish sentiments of a year ago.. still... It made me sad.
I miss my silly internet friend...