"--cut cut cut...
hating every day
and growing insane
a rush to hide your wakeining pain
to obscure the scars that "healed in time"
somthing warm makes you remember you are alive"
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probably don't remember that poem I wrote, Its about cutting yourself to feel better.
I never cut myself so really I wouldn't know but I know plenty of people who have.
Anyway, I think I'll equate cutting with internet romance.
Cutting is just somthing useless, and counterproductive. It doesn't really make you feel better.
Internet romance is useless, counterproductive and after all is said and done doesn't make you feel better.
But I don't want to get myself misunderstood again.
Like back in the darkages I compaired my romance with a certain someone to a t-shirt I had outgrown. He thought I meant him. It is so stupid to sit in front of a screen all "snufflywufflykins"
Sigh, but me and my stupid defective short term memory went back and fell again....
and again...
and again....
and fuck...
I never fucking learn.
I only ever told the truth. I always really did feel what I said I did.
Except when it came to saying what it is like, realistically to be in a relationship like this. Its twisted reality in conveinent little box. It's a chocolate egg with no cadburry cream. A promise of a sweet little treat. All words and no SEX!! No hugs, no hand holding, no pleasure of you just being there.
Ah haa haa... Somthing that is really silly to think of considering that I'd been doing this since I was about 14. Stupid bitch(bitch being me). It sucks and its so very bad for my mental health.
It just sucked so bad, It still sucks.
I felt like you just up and left me and took my faith and my voice along with you. One of the few people I could just sit down and, I could just compose my thoughts and I could talk..argh..
So, my computer time is reserved for friends and writing my Hamlet essay only. I suppose I could only speculate if you would still want to be my friend, I'll leave that up to you.
But anyway...what I guess I'm saying through this is that I'm stupid and I've been though this a million times, I'm a coward and I chase my tail in a spiral, down and down. I'm done talking about it.