It's been a while, huh?
My computer rides the short bus. It's so messed up it is barely useable.
I'm only going to suffer so much of it as to tell you that everything in Naya land is fine.
I miss my friends and my internet buddies. I'll see ya soon.

I am in love with Resident Evil 4. It is unbelievably, impossibly fun. I simply adore popping the heads off evil monks with the sniper rifle. I love blasting Los Ganados off rooftops and ski lifts, and ladders. I've played way to much of it today though I need to think about somthing else before I go to sleep.

HAPPY VD
Valentines Day is for Bitches
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I almost died again today no fuckin' thanks to the narcoleptic old man. We were coming home from Bradford, and in sight of the "Welcome to Coudersport" sign the old man nodded off, crossed the center line and swerved off the road. I was spaced out at the moment and didn't notice, but Brian yelled "HEY TOM!" and I squealed "Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus-GOD!" as we went off the road and plowed over innocent shrubbery until we came to a stop. Then the old guy tries to back out but hits a signpost with the back of the car. Somehow he managed backing the shitty old cavalier station wagon out without hitting somthing the second time. Brian and I were silent, glaring at the old man, and glancing at each other with the "that was too fucking close" look. How the hell we managed avoiding oncoming traffic, a tree, and a signpost, I don't know. Jesus must have been riding with us that day, because the old man had been pulling crap like that for the most part of that trip. You would think that from the last time Brian and I got in the car with the old man we would never do it again; last time the old man almost smashed us into a train.
Well this time I can guarentee you that I will not get in a car with the old man again, not anytime soon and, not at without 2 awake co-pilots in the car at the same time. Stupid videogames are not worth sacrificing my life for.
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I 've had a wonderful day besides that, I'm so happy and fat and loved. I hope everyone had a good day.
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I don't know what is worse, vindictive dishonesty or arrogant flaunting honesty. Your all maggot breeders with your bloated drama, I can only hope they stop at your rotteness and not consume you entirely.

Anybody wonder where I've been? Naw, probably not..
Anyway, I've been sick for the most part of this week, with a fever, congestion, hacking cough, and a sore throat that rivals the pain of strep. Thank my lucky stars that it wasn't strep throat, lol. I don't think I picked it up from Christa, I got it from Brian who got it from Kwik Fill. I thought I would be a saint and nurse him back to health, but ended up having to nurse the both of us for the whole week. I'm kind of glad he is back at work now because it was not comfortable spending all that time together attached at the hip while we were sick. But I absolutely love him more than ever.
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I have a Gamecube now, somebody come over and play with me.

I just had a wonderful dream. Wrap it in plastic wrap, tape it off, stick it in a plastic baggie, nail it it place, god, don't let this dream fade.

Howtah Sound Like Yerfrum Podder Kounny.
(How to sound like a native of Potter County, Pennsylvania.)
It's, uh, my personal opinion, that Coudurrsport has, like, the best educated people of the, um, many small districks of Podder Kounny, 'cuz we have to live up to higher standerds of the, um, like, 'delphia people so we ken get good jobs and stuff. But they're all dum flatlanders and we can tell them 'delphia people from us, cuz they all drive silver cars and prenounce things all wrong. Like, um, The Elementary School, its El-uh-men-TARY not Eluh-menTREE, and I know thats how it is 'cuz the people onna radio sayit that way and so does everyone else I know.
The othernight I was sittin' around with my boyfriend whose-one-nuh them people from outtatown and I asked him, "whachu-wachin'? " ('cuzzy was wachin' TV) and I was like, " I seen than the othernight and it ain't too good, well, like, it was gooder than that 'Mer'can Idol isaw the othernight with my Nanna and Pap-Pap. And he was like," gooder isn't a word." An I hate it when he hastah, like, show off. Then he says somthing like, "I paid attention in English Class," and I was like, "SO DIDN'T I !!".

*Inaugural Protest*

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20th

Take some friggin action for once!:

Black Thursday

http://www.black-thursday.com/home.html

Turn your back on Bush.

http://turnyourbackonbush.org/

NOT ONE DAMN DIME.

http://www.notonedamndime.com/boycott/

Boycott gas.

http://www.gasolineboycottday.org/

I feel lonely. I miss my friends so much. Is it my fault--their's? . Even if it was their fault, would they even care? I think it all just gets muddled up between us all. Is everyone where they want to be? I can't honestly say that I am where I want to be. At any time of day, I just want be somewhere else, I just want do things my way. I want to be with my friends, I want to draw and paint and create again, I need to socialize. All of my day's seem gray. I live everyday like I will live forever, my days are just garbage to discard. I don't want to be married when I'm 20, don't want to be a young welfare mom. How can I just say all of this, like I don't have the most abundant love I've ever known bestowed to me on a daily basis? I can't seem to find the balance between loving my friends, and my boyfriend, and myself. Things just don't seem right. I've felt confused about this for almost a year. Maybe I need to just stop hoping for more, gotta lower my expectactions to less than a quarter of what I hoped to be. Maybe I need to get off my ass and fix things, maybe I have to find joy in the obvious comfort and love I experience everyday. I need to feel alive again, need to go experience life. I feel so isolated, what the heck am I supposed to do? I feel like such a silly loser.

I fell asleep listening to some trancey music about a week ago and I've been stuck this entire time
"flying into a red, red sun over Ibiza". Make it stop. I don't know where or what an Ibiza is. Someone please tell me.
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It seems I did have my Christmas wish come true, all of my buddies are alive. Even people I never thought I would see again somehow materialized. God bless us, everyone!
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So I'm happy as all hell. Its probably wrong to be so happy. If the Naya of exactly a year ago met the Naya of exactly today, she would hate me so much she would punch me exactly in the kidneys.

Merry Christmas
goddam spoiled rotten kids....
Yesterday my family went to Gramma's for christmas eve dinner.
In the afternoon I pigged out on pickled herring, bond-ost, and summer sausage.
Later I had dinner: ham, korv, rye bread, lutefisk, and rice pudding. After that we opened our presents(I didn't get anything I put on my blog's Christmas list so I guess I'll have to wait till next year and get a job). After that we all had dessert: Christmas cookies and fruit soup.
Today was pretty much the same except I brought Brian with me to see what a picture perfect Christmas looked like. Brian didn't even have to sit at the kidde table next to the cat box like every other year. Maybe I spoiled a cherished tradition for him, lol.
For dinner today I had roast beef, rye bread, croissant roll, and brussel sprouts for dinner. And I can't wait till next year cause the spirit of christmas is not in presents, but in Christmas dinner and dessert and a million snacks in between! I'm such a piggy!

Happy (late) Thanksgiving!
Life is still good. Hooray for happiness.
Christmas is coming
here is my wish list:
- adigital camera
- sexy underware
- anything warm and fuzzy
- beautiful, wonderful, shiny things
- pickled herring
- PS2
- Gameboy advanced or DS
- most of all I want to know that ALL of my friends and buddies are happy or at least alive
-----------------------------------
B-days continued:
Nate: Mar 15
Matthew: Nov 10

Today I am this many years old:
--( holds up 19 fingers).
I'm an old lady now and I'm gonna take up knitting and quilting start bitching about everything 'cause I'm a bitter old hag.
Isn't 19 the age you stop growing?
Stop growing, start dying. I think I heard that breasts can continue growing until your mid-twenties. There is still hope for me yet... hah
-- So I guess I'm supposed to be a responsible adult by now, or I could opt to be an emotionally and mentally immature college kid. Hmmm this is what CHS guidence counselors call making a life choice...
-F' that.
I'll just live at home until I'm 30.
I had fun last night/this morning. I love my friends.
So I'll try to remember your bithdays when they come up
Christa: Apr. 11
Sammy: Jun. 7
Brian: May 7
Sparky: May 8
Jimmy: Sep. 9
Ed: Nov. 17
Looks like I've missed a few ahhg.. well slap me with a trout or somthin'..

Happy Halloween
you shmucks!
..So life isn't so bad cause I don't have to baby sit the old man, no urinal dumping, no food cooking nothing.
Hooray for me! Look at me and my unabashed lack of simpathy for the old man's health!
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I can't wait for all this election crap to be over, I feel like a dumb-ass getting all worked up about it like every other shmuck in the country. I want Bush to lose so bad.. oooooooooo. Burn in hell Busshy!! I want your loss to be a loss for the unborn, a loss for the catholics and the baptists, and right-wing nutcases, for FOX news, for crackers and rednecks and , for the unreasonably selsfishly rich corporations. I want you to lose for Penn York camp, and potter county and all snooty republicans. I wan't your loss to be a tremendous loss to jesus. I want your loss to be loss for all those blinded by red-white and blue, god fearing bible-thumping manifest destiny imperialist patriotism. A loss for Bush is a loss for the "optimists"-- for Texas-- and for "mer'ca"

For those of you who don't know, the old man fell off a ladder while painting the apartment house in the back yard he broke his shoulder and ankle.
Guess who has to nurse him back to health when he gets out of the hospital?
CAN YOU TAKE A WILD FUCKING GUESS!
GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH %@#&* fuck fuck fuck fuck!
I have very little patience and sympathy for sick, whiny, suffering men!
This is somthing I cannot change about myself.
No doubt I will probably end up throwing the old guy down the basement stairs or putting rat poision in his chicken soup.
Good god!Try to imagine babysitting your old man!

"I am at a stage of life where i've experienced enough to know that i know almost nothing except that I've experienced almost nothing."-kopikia

Graduating Highschool was the cure for my teenage angst; those trivial matters that once made me want to hurtle myself over a cliff have for the most part, dissolved to nothing. I don't worry so much about what kind of sneakers or fuzzy sweatbands will define me as a person. I don't add up everyone of my mistakes and miscalculations as an exponential expression ultimatly defining my complete incompetance.(big.. words.. gasp-wheeze...). I don't think I'm stupid anymore just because I CAN NOT play volleyball, and purposely did not try to get good grades in school. I don't have to worry about a reputation, having people think I'm anything at all, whether it be a cool weird kid, an artist, an imaginative or intelligent individual. I also feel better now that I have nobody to measure myself against, no models to follow, or anyone to look up to or down on. Being a hermit has its benefits.
I think things are getting better for me, the stuff that bothers me not bothering me so much anymore....
I've felt blind of my own identity and now finally feel like I'm really getting to know who the hell I really am. Cause as you all know, I'm not doing much now but playing videogames, and bumming about town with my boyfriend. Yeah I'm lazy. But I've had so much time to think about what went so horribly wrong in Highschool and what the fuck I can do to not beat up on myself in the future. I have so much time to sit and think about myself, the "hows" and "whys" and the "WTFs". I decided that my mind and my emotions are so intricately flawed (fucked up), that it will take some time to tear out all the seams, and unravel all that junk and fix it again. Kind of like equipping and re-equipping materia... or somthing like that. Jeeze I went into this depressed and wanting to tell you about it but I just can't concentrate...
I remember feeling so desperately sad from being lost and blind of who or what I am, and sad because I could hardly relate to anyone, that I wished for a mirror for my soul, to remember what it looks like.
Thanks to you I'm learning how to speak my emotions in almost coherent complete sentences, and now I am becoming less fearful of my arch enemy Pretentiousness, as Truth finally fuckin comes out! I can finally think about and say what I'm feeling even though it still takes a behemoth amount of effort. I thank you for putting up with my selfishness. I have learned more about myself and who I am through you in only 6 months, than I have ever learned from myself.
Anyway life for me is not completely "wooo! shiny!".
Tonight it hit me this very sad feeling I've been repressing for some long time.. I feel it now as I'm thinking what to type here..
I just feel like my other half is torn from me, my real other half. The one who knows what "duhsign" is, the one who knows the joy it brings to your heart to kick a dog across the room.

It's Friday night and I'm not trying to get spiffied up for a school dance or walking down to Jimmy's to hang out. I'm not pretending to be plotting some anarchist plan, I'm not drawing either. It's my own fault for feeling dead, I forgot myself.
I'm just lonely for my friends, when I see you again please don't make me feel like a stranger I'll slit my wrists.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Coffee flavored yogurt tastes like coffee flavored vomit.

Hah, I'm sitting writing this while you shmucks are in school. I feel empathy for you though. So thats why I'm spending my days cleaning the house, so I can share in the feeling of having to go through redundant torture. I'm also looking for jobs now, because I feel like I have to hate my life like the rest of the world. Take some time today to remember me while your half asleep in math class, and I will take some time to think of you while I sweep mouse turds off the back porch.

stop the insanity! as Susan Powder used to say (way before your time you dirty shmucks).
Look here I hate always being a downer and smearing shitty stuff on my blog all the time but I wanna know what the fuck is making everyone nuts these days, what is going on!? I get pretty worried when I hear that bad stuff is happining to the people closest to me from a secondary or tertiary source, such as a supid blog post. I would try to ask and to be there and be a fluffy good friend like magazine articles tell me to. But I don't wanna upset anybody by prying into shit, I don't wanna upset myself either cause I'm a hypersensitive jerk. I guess saying I'm upset on my blog isn't any better then the cryptic and evil stuff you post on your blogs. But I just gotta let you know that I care about my friends even if they don't give a shit about me, I like to see you all well, I like to see you happy. I care even though I'm a douchebag who doesn't show it very well.