I spent Christmas at my Gramma's house, like I always do. I had lutefisk and korv and rice pudding for dinner. Brian didn't seem to find our feast to be tasty or edible for that matter.
But he got to open presents with us!
Now observe me bragging about my material gains:
I got a digital camera, and two Final Fantasy wall scrolls from Brian.
I recieved warm jammies, slippers, a hat and a cell phone from momma.
Earrings, and a scarf from G-ma.
and a multitude of gift cards from everyone!

Hooray for migranes, or perhaps I'm just having a mild stroke? I freaked out at work when I coudn't see the left side of Swirvin' Irvin's face as I was handing him his usual small cup of coffee, and then I couldn't quite make out the numbers on the cash register because I had spots in front of my eyes. Then I tried to cut some bread but couldn't see the blade of the knife. Then I'm all like "I think I need to call a doctor,". But I didn't, I told Stacy I was having a migraine and that we needed to call somebody in. I just knew that either I was gonna die or have a terrible headache and nausea.
As soon as I got home I felt sick, and pain was throbbing in my head but I couldn't find the drugs, so I walked all the way to my momma's house and stole her very last IB2.
I wonder if it is weak to complain about a headache, but when I suddenly can't see, and I think I'm gonna die well I just donno what to do.
(This was a post from the 23rd of dec. just didn't get arount to posting.)
Later on Christa came to visit me, and we made swedish paper heart baskets. Yay.

This is the second night in a row I've almost died in my sleep. If it isn't dreams about the sky falling down or atomic bombs dropping on me, its avain flu, or fire. I keep having these wacky dreams that I'm about to die in some horrible manner, and I close my eyes and my heart beats so fast I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. So yall just better wish me bon voyage already.
I think its because I've been sitting around watching too much news, MSNBC, CNN and even the douchebaggy FOX news. I don't know why the hell I watch so much news anymore. It's probably because I just can't get enough of those pundits slamming each other. It's kinda like my substitute for watching football, or basketball, its one of my favorite sports.

Okay, so this is old news, but I'm making it public,
I work at subway now. I will make you a sammich, or a sandwich.
I personally prefer sammiches, but thats just me.

Sometime between last year and now I turned 20.
I'm not a tweeny teeny-teen-teen anymore, so I'm taking down all of my posters of Green Day and The All American Rejects, (well maybe I'll leave the ones that I got out of Teen People.)
I got a kitten too. Don't know what to name it. I just call it "cute" and "AWW CUTE AS ALL HELL!".

In this season of giving thanks, I would like to take a brief moment to consider all of the things in life that should be fucked in the ass.
fuck coudersport
fuck the food service industry
and fuck cable television

"I'm going back to the OLD Naya."
There is no shame in being happy Naya.
There is shame in masking all of your true feelings to just be agreeable.
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Is it better to comfy and complacent, or to make sacrifices that will only spin ones life into uncertainty?
Is their any real point in asking myself these questions?
Am I making myself sound like an idiot? Should I really care if I am?
Have I lost my identity?
Is my identity and personality attractive? What use would it be if that were so?
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I was told that caring too much for other people is self destructive.
Do I reach out to people, I perceive as weak, to try to save them from the problems in their life, when I ignore the problems in my own?
I do acknowledge the problems but I don't do a damn thing.
Am I where I should be?
Can I really say I'm doing the best?
Do I feel serene or jaded?
---
Tune in next time and find out!

So we shipped Bob off to the Navy yesterday. I guess thats all there is to say about that.
The Darrins went shopping in Williamsport at whatever their crummy mall is called. I got an Inu Yasha fluffy, fuwa-fuwa, cuddly soft blanket, and an Umbrella Corporation wristband, a Vash keychan and a purse from Guess that was $42.00 but I got it for $20.00.
Last night I broke into my savings for my shopping trip to Erie so what was once a wallscroll, three boxes of strawberry pocky and an anime chick action figure is now digesting Subway, McDonalds, and Sheetz sandwiches. Now I'm sad and poor, my livelyhood having been stripped away. Now left to consume Tuna without mayo and ramen with dehydrated corn.
Woe is me and my unfruitful life, the vine without any grapes!
Thats okay, food stamps are comin' next week! I hope...
So this is the season that turns the autumn leaves from green to brown, like my emotions from hope to somthing......... brown...
Well thats life, and looking around I guess I don't really have anything to be sad or anxious about.

I got canned Friday night. Man, I knew it was gonna happen soon, but not that soon.
I dunno the real reason they fired me. I'm guessing that they just didn't like me. They probably thought I was creepy for not talking or somthing like that.
If they would have told me that I was inefficient-- that I took sloppy orders, worked slowly and messily, and got in everyone's way, well I would have believed them and I might feel a little more at ease to know what the hell I was doing wrong.
They fired me for really flimsy reasons though, that "Customers complain that I don't check on their tables." While I admit to not checking that frequently in the past I definitely have been improving within the last month or two and I definetly checked and double checked thoroughly when I was told to do better. Even if I did miss a table or two it was because I was making a sub, taking a phone order, at the cash register, or waiting at another table or two or three. Even when I ask for help nobody would come to help me, and if they did help me with one thing I would still have to do somthing besides. If my unability to complete all of these tasks at the same time was unaccceptable than you should have fired me for that.
I swear though that they must have been searching for reasons to fire me because its just bullshit. I was checking the tables.
The other reason was that "A customer complained on our web site that you looked stoned."
Another waitress told me that people say she looks stoned all the time.
Did they fire me because they thought I used drugs?
I don't use any sort of drug what-so-ever.
Did they fire me because I wasn't chipper and enthusiastic enough?
(heh.. heh.. yeah.. thats probably it)
Well they could have just told me I wasn't doing a good enough job being welcoming and friendly instead of insulting me. "....you look stoned.."
Then the bullshit of "Oh, I just found out 20 minutes ago that I would have to fire you." Bullshit
Even I knew for a full week that the axe was gonna drop.
Its just as well though, it would probably have been worse for me to continue to work there than to just move on...
I'll leave it at that I guess.

Ahh haa haa...

Bwa ha ha,

MWAAA HAA HA

HEE HAAW

HOOOOOG!

HAVE FUN IN SCHOOL!

Is it just me, or does pop music on the MTV and radio really REALLY suck. I know it is supposed to be bad, but it just seems really awfully terrible. It seems its growing exponentially worse with each passing month. Maybe I'm just really out of it.
-----
I went to the potter county fair a couple days ago. Anybody else go? Wasn't it GREAT!
Just like the Maple Festival the County Fair lost its magic when I was too old to ride the kiddie rides. Well actually I'm not to old or too big, it just doesn't seem like much fun. Being smashed against the sweaty smelly sides of the 'Round Up' or 'UFO'. I would like to remember the fun I used to have, the way it used to be. Riding the Round up with Christa when the pirate guy ran the ride or turning myself upside-down on the UFO. That was the fucking shit!
Now.. I just like to go and see the cows and piggies and horses and the bunnies. I patted a cow on its nose and it looked at me like "WTF".
We tried to walk though the cow barn to get to the piggies and horses--and do you remember "running the gauntlet" in elementary gym class, where they toss the nerf balls and frisbees at you? Well, we had a similar experience doging the streams of cow urine, cow pies and cows making cow pies. We lost courage and had no choice but to turn back.
The thing that was really worth driving all the way to Millport for was to peer down the middle of the BINGO hall and see everyone's fat rears hanging off the benchs. I think I saw myself in a few years there. I ate some fried dough, and mini donuts and a soft pretzel, I don't mean I ate them all, I shared with Mom and Bon.
As we were about to leave momma bought Bon a squishy sticky mouse and Bon squeezed it to hard and it popped and sprayed mysterious sticky liquid on the ground. Mom said she can't remember the time she saw two dollars go down the drain so fast.
Well, I can. That was when I saw Matt Sallade use a claw machine a the Olean Mall.

I'm going to the gym tomorrow and I am so excited! WOO YAY!
I feel so schlumpy and tired all the time. This is absolutely what I need to make me feel all perky and stuff again! I hope I can keep going everyday for forever, but I bet I'll run out of money or be too lazy to walk outside when it gets cold.

I went to a party and kind of socialized a little bit. It's been some time since I've had an opportunity to actually hang out with my friends and talk to some people I don't know at all.
Of course I completely wasted this opportunity and kept to myself, but I did enjoy seeing everyone.

I'm kinda living at 310 Vine Street. Thats Brian's apartment if you didn't know. If you ever wanna hang out or need to speak to me that is where I will be. You can also send me mail and ransom notes at this address because it is my official mailing address. Please come over some time seriously! I'm extending this invitation to anyone.

I'm taking a computer class at the Potter County Education Council. I'm learning absolutely everything I already learned in Office Tech in high school but I'll have a $350 dollar piece of paper that says I'm proficient in it!
Maybe I'll take other computer classes so I can qualify to be an Adelphia or Telcove drone!
Wish I had somthing exciting to say..

I'm a busy working lady now. I think I'm going to have to work much more than I was told I was gonna work.

Lord Jesus deliver me! Nobody from OIP has called and I'm starting to worry I won't get that splendid, splendid job. I weep..
-----
I am officially a drain on society. Your parents tax dollars go to my food stamps and medical insurance! AH HA HA!
so uh, thats it!

So, it seems I will be a part-time waitress at OIP pretty soon. I'm excited because now I will have money but also nervous because I am such an ass-backward screw up. How could I screw up waitressing? I'll show you!
Anyway, I am very thankful to Sammy for setting me up to get this job, like you have no idea. Totally.
-----
I passed my drivers permit test, and I have my drivers permit. The trouble is that I don't get much driving time because my parents are always busy and I have to split the time with Brian. I'll never learn. But Brian is doing really good. He is so hot when he drives.
-----
I'm moving up in the world, (ha HA HA). I'm still way behind. I won't be considered a human until I go to college.
----
I am lonely. I feel almost completely alienated by my friends. It just shouldn't be this way. Whats going wrong?

Brian's B-Day
5/7/05
The anniversary of when Brian fell out of the cutest cloud in the sky.
We went yard sailing, and went to Radio Shack and the town had a festival and a parade in his honor.
We stopped at a bar in Roulette and Brian had an awesome hamburger and pizza and a few songs on the juke box. Brian had a birthday wish come true, and had reoccuring birthday nightmares. I suppose it had to be one of the better he has had. I love my Brian.
------
The Maple Fesitval sucked. I guess it really hasn't been that interesting to me since I got too old to ride the kiddie rides. Brian and I went yard sailing instead of hanging out downtown. Brian planned to get us up early so we could snatch all of the good stuff, and we did. I got a Tenchi Muyo movie, Kiki's Delivery Service and two Sailor Moon Movies at a yard sale (I just can't kick this anime habit). On Friday, we picked up a Sega Genesis with Sonic 2 and Sonic 3D and Street Fighter 2 Super, and Eathworm Jim 1 and 2. So the yard sales made up for the sucky festival.
The art show was probably the best part about the Maple Festival this year. I only won an Honorable Mention ribbon which is kind of a dissapointment, but I understand that they can't give me a Blue ribbon every year, "good lord, give the children a chance (haughty laugh)." So I guess I gotta come back and kick everyone's ass next year.
Anyway, I absolutely have to tell you this:
My G'ma and Momma were chatting with this courthouse maintenence man during the festival. The maintenence man told them how the carnee (carnival people (is that spelled right ?).) people showed up a day early wanting to set up. Since they weren't expected for another day, and the port-o-potties were not set up yet, the carnee people had to think of a suitable place to loosen their loads. Well, you know how there is a stairwell on one side of the courthouse (well if you didn't know, you do now) that leads to some offices in the basement? The maintenece man had to clean up all this carnee excrement, maxi pads and everything. They just squatted over the stairs....

Two days ago I was browsing my old journals from way back, to see if my writings had any intellectual substance.
It seems that 11 year old Naya was half retarded.
I present to you a list of people who annoyed me most, written on the date of November 17th 1997:
top ten people that annoy me
10. Christa Haskell
9. Cecil Dubots
8. all contry music singers
7. Nathan Salladay
6. Dad
5. Barney*
4. Mr. Rodgers**
3. Jed Davis
2. Bonnie
1. Bobby
----------
*The purple dinosaur
*The cardigan wearing, special television friend.
-----
Here is a poem I wrote sometime in '97:
Look, Look lights in the sky,
the fly down low and they fly real high in the sky.
Where they go I do not know.
Flashin Flashin in the sky why there there
I do not Know.

I started a big fuckin' fire today.
So I was thinking about doing some chores today so that I wouldn't look completely lazy. I dragged this hefty black bag that was dripping with dog piss out to the burn patch. I was going to burn some papers. I thought it was a nice day, and not too windy. Big mistake.
Now, I usually take a minute to think about how flammable the wooded surroudings are: The big white pine surrounded by brown needles, the dead hemlock trees, and the abandoned tree house playset, not to mention the dry, brittle brush piles lying between everything. I always imagine the fire spreading from the burn patch to the brush to the dead hemlock and the pine needles and to the trees causing a massive conflagration. Yet that never stops me from lighting that match and torching that massive pile of newspapers sitting on top of more newspapers and more newspapers. Only when the fire had been burning for a few minutes had I realized that it was a bit more windy than I had supposed. I threw a couple of thick branches on the fire to keep the wind from blowing it around, it seemed like a problem solved. Well I went back inside of the house to see what Brian was up to. I called Christa too. I was in the house for about five minutes and then I went to look out the window to see what the fire was up to and I saw a lot of fire. "Thats a lot of fire," I thought for a second, and then I realized that the fire had spread to the trees just like I imagined it would, but I imagined it happening to someone else. I ran outside with a bucket full of dog piss water and I realized that it wasn't going to be enough. Some neighbor lady was standing in the side yard and was all like "You better do somthing about that, call the fire department." So I ran back inside and dialed "914". Then I said "shit" then, dialed "911111", then I said "shit" and then I dialed "911" and the phone wasn't on and then I tried to turn the phone on and it wouldn't turn on, and I said "shit shit shit". Brian came down stairs and asked me what the matter was and I said, "look out the window there is a fucking fire, and the phone won't work, shit." Brian said he knew how to get it to work he was shaking that damn piece of shit phone and told me to "go out and tell Bon to get away from the fire." Bon was splashing water on the fire, and some Penn DOT guys were spraying the fire with extinguishers from behind the fence. Thank fucking god, somehow that actually put it out. Bon dragged the garden hose out and it didn't reach to the trees so we had to keep filling buckets and dousing everything. The neighbor next door who is a vampire actually came out in the daylight and sprayed the fire with his garden hose and helped rake up the remaining brush. I guess he isn't a vampire after all he is actually pretty nice.
I wonder if I'm gonna get yelled at for this, its not like its entirely my fault that the fire pit is built too close to the trees and that Bob stacked all that brush and shit there. I am so thankful that those people came over to help stop the fire. I'm glad that we never did get in touch with the fire department because I probably would have gotten fined, and it would be so damned embarassing.

I feel so incompetant, every action that I choose to take is just a slight variation of the same mistake.
-----
Is my heart breaking?

It's been a while, huh?
My computer rides the short bus. It's so messed up it is barely useable.
I'm only going to suffer so much of it as to tell you that everything in Naya land is fine.
I miss my friends and my internet buddies. I'll see ya soon.

I am in love with Resident Evil 4. It is unbelievably, impossibly fun. I simply adore popping the heads off evil monks with the sniper rifle. I love blasting Los Ganados off rooftops and ski lifts, and ladders. I've played way to much of it today though I need to think about somthing else before I go to sleep.

HAPPY VD
Valentines Day is for Bitches
------
I almost died again today no fuckin' thanks to the narcoleptic old man. We were coming home from Bradford, and in sight of the "Welcome to Coudersport" sign the old man nodded off, crossed the center line and swerved off the road. I was spaced out at the moment and didn't notice, but Brian yelled "HEY TOM!" and I squealed "Jeeeeeeeeeeeesus-GOD!" as we went off the road and plowed over innocent shrubbery until we came to a stop. Then the old guy tries to back out but hits a signpost with the back of the car. Somehow he managed backing the shitty old cavalier station wagon out without hitting somthing the second time. Brian and I were silent, glaring at the old man, and glancing at each other with the "that was too fucking close" look. How the hell we managed avoiding oncoming traffic, a tree, and a signpost, I don't know. Jesus must have been riding with us that day, because the old man had been pulling crap like that for the most part of that trip. You would think that from the last time Brian and I got in the car with the old man we would never do it again; last time the old man almost smashed us into a train.
Well this time I can guarentee you that I will not get in a car with the old man again, not anytime soon and, not at without 2 awake co-pilots in the car at the same time. Stupid videogames are not worth sacrificing my life for.
-------
I 've had a wonderful day besides that, I'm so happy and fat and loved. I hope everyone had a good day.
------
I don't know what is worse, vindictive dishonesty or arrogant flaunting honesty. Your all maggot breeders with your bloated drama, I can only hope they stop at your rotteness and not consume you entirely.

Anybody wonder where I've been? Naw, probably not..
Anyway, I've been sick for the most part of this week, with a fever, congestion, hacking cough, and a sore throat that rivals the pain of strep. Thank my lucky stars that it wasn't strep throat, lol. I don't think I picked it up from Christa, I got it from Brian who got it from Kwik Fill. I thought I would be a saint and nurse him back to health, but ended up having to nurse the both of us for the whole week. I'm kind of glad he is back at work now because it was not comfortable spending all that time together attached at the hip while we were sick. But I absolutely love him more than ever.
-------
I have a Gamecube now, somebody come over and play with me.

I just had a wonderful dream. Wrap it in plastic wrap, tape it off, stick it in a plastic baggie, nail it it place, god, don't let this dream fade.

Howtah Sound Like Yerfrum Podder Kounny.
(How to sound like a native of Potter County, Pennsylvania.)
It's, uh, my personal opinion, that Coudurrsport has, like, the best educated people of the, um, many small districks of Podder Kounny, 'cuz we have to live up to higher standerds of the, um, like, 'delphia people so we ken get good jobs and stuff. But they're all dum flatlanders and we can tell them 'delphia people from us, cuz they all drive silver cars and prenounce things all wrong. Like, um, The Elementary School, its El-uh-men-TARY not Eluh-menTREE, and I know thats how it is 'cuz the people onna radio sayit that way and so does everyone else I know.
The othernight I was sittin' around with my boyfriend whose-one-nuh them people from outtatown and I asked him, "whachu-wachin'? " ('cuzzy was wachin' TV) and I was like, " I seen than the othernight and it ain't too good, well, like, it was gooder than that 'Mer'can Idol isaw the othernight with my Nanna and Pap-Pap. And he was like," gooder isn't a word." An I hate it when he hastah, like, show off. Then he says somthing like, "I paid attention in English Class," and I was like, "SO DIDN'T I !!".

*Inaugural Protest*

THURSDAY, JANUARY 20th

Take some friggin action for once!:

Black Thursday

http://www.black-thursday.com/home.html

Turn your back on Bush.

http://turnyourbackonbush.org/

NOT ONE DAMN DIME.

http://www.notonedamndime.com/boycott/

Boycott gas.

http://www.gasolineboycottday.org/

I feel lonely. I miss my friends so much. Is it my fault--their's? . Even if it was their fault, would they even care? I think it all just gets muddled up between us all. Is everyone where they want to be? I can't honestly say that I am where I want to be. At any time of day, I just want be somewhere else, I just want do things my way. I want to be with my friends, I want to draw and paint and create again, I need to socialize. All of my day's seem gray. I live everyday like I will live forever, my days are just garbage to discard. I don't want to be married when I'm 20, don't want to be a young welfare mom. How can I just say all of this, like I don't have the most abundant love I've ever known bestowed to me on a daily basis? I can't seem to find the balance between loving my friends, and my boyfriend, and myself. Things just don't seem right. I've felt confused about this for almost a year. Maybe I need to just stop hoping for more, gotta lower my expectactions to less than a quarter of what I hoped to be. Maybe I need to get off my ass and fix things, maybe I have to find joy in the obvious comfort and love I experience everyday. I need to feel alive again, need to go experience life. I feel so isolated, what the heck am I supposed to do? I feel like such a silly loser.

I fell asleep listening to some trancey music about a week ago and I've been stuck this entire time
"flying into a red, red sun over Ibiza". Make it stop. I don't know where or what an Ibiza is. Someone please tell me.
---------
It seems I did have my Christmas wish come true, all of my buddies are alive. Even people I never thought I would see again somehow materialized. God bless us, everyone!
--------
So I'm happy as all hell. Its probably wrong to be so happy. If the Naya of exactly a year ago met the Naya of exactly today, she would hate me so much she would punch me exactly in the kidneys.