--Bitter
why do all my friends find themselves on a path to self destruction, self-depreciation or depression. Does it just come with the territory, having friends on the very bottom rung of the social ladder?
Its it strange coincidence.. I don't know. Its so strange.. I know I have my problems too. There are very few of my friends I can name that haven't either been taken to drug-rehab, to the psychiatric ward, to juvenile hall, to foster homes, or dropped out of school. I also can't name many who haven't tried to kill themself, or worse.. I know some that were into hard-core drug use.
Is it that I make friends with troubled people? Could I be troubled too?
I don't know if anyone can understand how lonely it is when your new best buddy just dissapears. When you find out that they have been in a psychiatric ward or drug-rehab.
I wonder was there anything I could have done to influence them to stop.
I think about it often. I am too weak, boring, stupid for anyone to really listen to?
I think I'd have to scream in your face for you to understand, but even then.. I'd just be screaming. That wouldn't accomplish anything. I just want all my friends to know that they torture me sometimes. I can't make them be happy I can't make them hear me. Oh, but if only they would listen! ...listen just for a while... there is help... just like there are mechanics for cars... like technical support when you screw up windows.
I don't know what else to say I'm so frustrated with everyone's attitudes now. They just don't realize their significance in my life. Your hope is my hope, without my friends i have nothing to hope for. I struggle with the same demons, i know.. to see my friends lose to them is discouraging to me.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
----IV----
The second pool was bulging at the seams with all of the people in it. It seemed that this pool was filled with what seemed to be mud. It looked kind of fun, to be frolicking in a pool full of mud. So I asked a girl who was wading into the pool what was going on. She told me that it was okay because it was only sewage run-off and not real shit. I was completely shocked and my stomach began to churn. With this knowledge I stood and watched them for a while. Gradually the people began to fall into a trance. They began to writhe and squirm. They began stripping themselves naked and squirmed like thousands of maggots in a carcass. People then, started to sink under the “mud” and nobody noticed or cared. They were all enthralled by bathing in their own shit. My blood turned to ice, a million spears of shock pierced my chest and back. I froze into place with a wide-eyed stare. I tried to scream for help but it caught in my throat. My heart beat so aggressively at my ribs I thought my chest would burst. I screamed again and looked for anything that I could do to save these people. I spotted two people above the pool standing on an iron catwalk suspended above the pool. I climbed up the iron steps that lead up to the walkway.
There was a woman in a pink business suit, standing there. I pleaded to her to stop what was going on but she just glanced at her partner, a man in a gunmetal gray business suit. He was pushing buttons on a large control panel. He turned and looked at me nonchalantly and stopped what he was doing.
I became aware of the fact that they were the people who were running the operation. They only said to me that the people were doing what made them feel good, and that it was their job to operate this monstrous death tank. . I was quite convinced that these two people were either demons, or dual facets of the soul of the devil himself! I told them that they had no business doing that, no matter what the circumstances are. They might not be considered to be the nicest people in the world by my scruffy friends but they don’t deserve to be treated that way. I might consider them to be shallow and uncaring. But this is wrong and evil to take advantage of these people.
----V-----
Suddenly I found myself plunged into darkness. I was standing in what seemed to be a dank and musty cave. The floors were flat and black, and covered with slime. The walls were carved elaborately with high arches of gothic style. The walls rose about 200 feet and at the base of these walls were skulls. Some of the skulls were massive carved stone but most of them were real skulls. Hundreds of thousands of these skulls lined the walls—walls that seemed to wind down into a never-ending tunnel.
A voice rang down from the walls saying that this was the very bottom of the cesspool. The voice told me that it would difficult to see all of this if I had been one of the unfortunate few to sink through the shit. The voice was of the woman. She told me that she had drained it so I could clearly understand what the pool meant and what the bottom signified. “As you can see it would be hard to see the truth of your mortality peering through an abyss of shit.
I blinked and was transported again, to the other pool. This time the pool was filled with water and I was swimming downwards about 30 feet. The misty water had a bluish appearance at this depth. I witnessed a boy swimming about 20 feet below me into the darkness. He was a dark shadow assimilating with the abyss of blackness before him. I blinked again and I was closer to the bottom of the pool. I saw the boy clearly. I witnessed a horrified look on the boy’s face when he saw the skulls at the bottom of this pool. He struggled to swim upwards. Suddenly I became the boy and I realized I did not have enough breath to reach the surface again. As I looked up and saw my last fading glimpse of light above I panicked. I only wanted to see how deep the pool was. I only wanted to know its depth… I was too young to die. I couldn’t believe I was to die like this.
----VI-----
Again I was transported. I found myself back at the bottom of the empty cesspool. I heard a voice again, but I was my own.
“So it seems that you are trying to tell me that all these people are oblivious to their inevitable demise. Though they can choose the purity of the way they live their life they still cannot realize that they will eventually die. A person can choose to swim through clouded water all their life and realize the end when it is too late, or can be blinded by their own worthless shit and never realize that they are destroying themselves or dragging others down.
Are there other choices other than clouded or muddy water?
What is a better choice: to see the end when it is too late to do anything,
or see nothing at all and not care for anything?
Do all swimmers think that they live forever?
Is there a clear pool?
Do I have to choose between these pools?
What if I don’t choose at all?
Why did you show me this?
Do I have to save these people?
Are these people living their lives the wrong way?
What does this all mean when applied to reality?
Why was this knowledge given to me? ”
The second pool was bulging at the seams with all of the people in it. It seemed that this pool was filled with what seemed to be mud. It looked kind of fun, to be frolicking in a pool full of mud. So I asked a girl who was wading into the pool what was going on. She told me that it was okay because it was only sewage run-off and not real shit. I was completely shocked and my stomach began to churn. With this knowledge I stood and watched them for a while. Gradually the people began to fall into a trance. They began to writhe and squirm. They began stripping themselves naked and squirmed like thousands of maggots in a carcass. People then, started to sink under the “mud” and nobody noticed or cared. They were all enthralled by bathing in their own shit. My blood turned to ice, a million spears of shock pierced my chest and back. I froze into place with a wide-eyed stare. I tried to scream for help but it caught in my throat. My heart beat so aggressively at my ribs I thought my chest would burst. I screamed again and looked for anything that I could do to save these people. I spotted two people above the pool standing on an iron catwalk suspended above the pool. I climbed up the iron steps that lead up to the walkway.
There was a woman in a pink business suit, standing there. I pleaded to her to stop what was going on but she just glanced at her partner, a man in a gunmetal gray business suit. He was pushing buttons on a large control panel. He turned and looked at me nonchalantly and stopped what he was doing.
I became aware of the fact that they were the people who were running the operation. They only said to me that the people were doing what made them feel good, and that it was their job to operate this monstrous death tank. . I was quite convinced that these two people were either demons, or dual facets of the soul of the devil himself! I told them that they had no business doing that, no matter what the circumstances are. They might not be considered to be the nicest people in the world by my scruffy friends but they don’t deserve to be treated that way. I might consider them to be shallow and uncaring. But this is wrong and evil to take advantage of these people.
----V-----
Suddenly I found myself plunged into darkness. I was standing in what seemed to be a dank and musty cave. The floors were flat and black, and covered with slime. The walls were carved elaborately with high arches of gothic style. The walls rose about 200 feet and at the base of these walls were skulls. Some of the skulls were massive carved stone but most of them were real skulls. Hundreds of thousands of these skulls lined the walls—walls that seemed to wind down into a never-ending tunnel.
A voice rang down from the walls saying that this was the very bottom of the cesspool. The voice told me that it would difficult to see all of this if I had been one of the unfortunate few to sink through the shit. The voice was of the woman. She told me that she had drained it so I could clearly understand what the pool meant and what the bottom signified. “As you can see it would be hard to see the truth of your mortality peering through an abyss of shit.
I blinked and was transported again, to the other pool. This time the pool was filled with water and I was swimming downwards about 30 feet. The misty water had a bluish appearance at this depth. I witnessed a boy swimming about 20 feet below me into the darkness. He was a dark shadow assimilating with the abyss of blackness before him. I blinked again and I was closer to the bottom of the pool. I saw the boy clearly. I witnessed a horrified look on the boy’s face when he saw the skulls at the bottom of this pool. He struggled to swim upwards. Suddenly I became the boy and I realized I did not have enough breath to reach the surface again. As I looked up and saw my last fading glimpse of light above I panicked. I only wanted to see how deep the pool was. I only wanted to know its depth… I was too young to die. I couldn’t believe I was to die like this.
----VI-----
Again I was transported. I found myself back at the bottom of the empty cesspool. I heard a voice again, but I was my own.
“So it seems that you are trying to tell me that all these people are oblivious to their inevitable demise. Though they can choose the purity of the way they live their life they still cannot realize that they will eventually die. A person can choose to swim through clouded water all their life and realize the end when it is too late, or can be blinded by their own worthless shit and never realize that they are destroying themselves or dragging others down.
Are there other choices other than clouded or muddy water?
What is a better choice: to see the end when it is too late to do anything,
or see nothing at all and not care for anything?
Do all swimmers think that they live forever?
Is there a clear pool?
Do I have to choose between these pools?
What if I don’t choose at all?
Why did you show me this?
Do I have to save these people?
Are these people living their lives the wrong way?
What does this all mean when applied to reality?
Why was this knowledge given to me? ”
Saturday, September 20, 2003
The Nightmare
part three
----III----
I didn’t really understand what they meant until they opened the door to the poolroom. There were hundreds of people in this room too. Everyone in this room was either a teenager or a young-hearted adult.
I decided to go for a swim, regardless of weather the boys liked it or not. I realized though, that I had forgotten my swimsuit. It didn’t really phase me though because there were a couple of other naked people in the pool. I began to strip when I realized that the people in that pool were not acting normal. They kind of seemed to be in a trance and bobbed in the water and swayed. The water didn’t look very good either it looked a bit cloudy and dirty. I decided that swimming now, at least in this pool would not be a good idea.
I glanced at my comrades. Who contrasted with their black t-shirts with all of the “preps” wearing bright bathing suits. They pointed to a stairway on the left side of the pool. Those stairs lead to a second floor where there was another pool just behind a tile wall.
part three
----III----
I didn’t really understand what they meant until they opened the door to the poolroom. There were hundreds of people in this room too. Everyone in this room was either a teenager or a young-hearted adult.
I decided to go for a swim, regardless of weather the boys liked it or not. I realized though, that I had forgotten my swimsuit. It didn’t really phase me though because there were a couple of other naked people in the pool. I began to strip when I realized that the people in that pool were not acting normal. They kind of seemed to be in a trance and bobbed in the water and swayed. The water didn’t look very good either it looked a bit cloudy and dirty. I decided that swimming now, at least in this pool would not be a good idea.
I glanced at my comrades. Who contrasted with their black t-shirts with all of the “preps” wearing bright bathing suits. They pointed to a stairway on the left side of the pool. Those stairs lead to a second floor where there was another pool just behind a tile wall.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
The Nightmare
Part 2
----II----
Having found nothing else I considered to be worthwhile; And having not found a sign of anyone else in the first building. I crossed the lawn to the other building that lied to the west. It was strange to see that there was not a single soul outside, considering that there were a couple hundred there before I went into the first house. I figured that everyone must be inside of the second building because there was nobody in the first.
The interior of the house on the left, was for the most part, a twin of its counterpart. It had the same broken windows, whitewashed walls and floors carpeted in decaying leaves. I found my mom, and about 300 other adults in this auditorium. They were waiting for a show to start. I asked my mother, when the show would start but she did not know; she didn’t even know what the show was about or if there would even be a show that day.
The auditorium was just as large as the first even with hundreds of middle aged people in it. The place seemed very ominous for a reason I couldn’t quite grasp. Perhaps I though that the enormous fans and ventilation shafts on the ceiling would suck me into them, or that they would fall and crush us all. I was quite anxious to leave that place and go exploring on my own. I left my sister with my mom and struck out alone.
After about an hour of wandering through snaking white washed corridors. I found a room with a couple of scruffy looking teenage boys in it. This too, was an auditorium. It however was a smaller room, with a low ceiling, and sort of looked like some sort of supply closet. There was a small stage with some strange looking band playing on it. It was a creepy show that didn’t make sense at all. All of the performers just walked up and down the stage in flashy clothes or just sitting and staring into space, they didn’t seem very attractive to me with their pretentious acting. The boys didn’t seem very interested in the show either and were playing hack in the back of the room.
I made my presence known to them, with a loud salutation and they stopped what they were doing. I noticed that they all wore black t-shirts and had black or dark brown hair. They seemed to all look almost alike, and move alike, as if they were all brothers. They crowded around me and started talking to me. They told me that they were bored and fed up with all of the stupid people that were hanging around. That everyone that had been walking over the Mansion’s lawns were shallow, inconsiderate preps. They said that they had come to this room because the preps weren’t there, and that there wasn’t anything else in the mansion worth seeing. They were only in this room because there was music and the people in it made it seem less lonely. They said that really wanted to get out and find something better to do though and they asked me to come along with them. I was kind of enchanted with their awkward charm and decided it might be fun to follow them.
I could tell that one of the boys took a particular interest in me, at least I supposed. He kept on glancing at me with fondness and amazement. I kind of thought he was sweet, but didn’t really want to flirt with him. His unwashed, greasy black hair and faded T-shirt were kind of a turn-off. I thought that I’d probably adore him if he bathed. He seemed unique from the rest of the boys, or from anyone I knew, but was much to timid to speak to me.
As the boys and I walked down a wide corridor lighted with fluorescent lights I asked them where everyone went. They seemed a bit annoyed by this question because to them “everyone” meant the people they hated. But they decided to lead me there because maybe they could have fun teasing all the stuck- up people at the pool or maybe they could just cause some random mayhem.
Part 2
----II----
Having found nothing else I considered to be worthwhile; And having not found a sign of anyone else in the first building. I crossed the lawn to the other building that lied to the west. It was strange to see that there was not a single soul outside, considering that there were a couple hundred there before I went into the first house. I figured that everyone must be inside of the second building because there was nobody in the first.
The interior of the house on the left, was for the most part, a twin of its counterpart. It had the same broken windows, whitewashed walls and floors carpeted in decaying leaves. I found my mom, and about 300 other adults in this auditorium. They were waiting for a show to start. I asked my mother, when the show would start but she did not know; she didn’t even know what the show was about or if there would even be a show that day.
The auditorium was just as large as the first even with hundreds of middle aged people in it. The place seemed very ominous for a reason I couldn’t quite grasp. Perhaps I though that the enormous fans and ventilation shafts on the ceiling would suck me into them, or that they would fall and crush us all. I was quite anxious to leave that place and go exploring on my own. I left my sister with my mom and struck out alone.
After about an hour of wandering through snaking white washed corridors. I found a room with a couple of scruffy looking teenage boys in it. This too, was an auditorium. It however was a smaller room, with a low ceiling, and sort of looked like some sort of supply closet. There was a small stage with some strange looking band playing on it. It was a creepy show that didn’t make sense at all. All of the performers just walked up and down the stage in flashy clothes or just sitting and staring into space, they didn’t seem very attractive to me with their pretentious acting. The boys didn’t seem very interested in the show either and were playing hack in the back of the room.
I made my presence known to them, with a loud salutation and they stopped what they were doing. I noticed that they all wore black t-shirts and had black or dark brown hair. They seemed to all look almost alike, and move alike, as if they were all brothers. They crowded around me and started talking to me. They told me that they were bored and fed up with all of the stupid people that were hanging around. That everyone that had been walking over the Mansion’s lawns were shallow, inconsiderate preps. They said that they had come to this room because the preps weren’t there, and that there wasn’t anything else in the mansion worth seeing. They were only in this room because there was music and the people in it made it seem less lonely. They said that really wanted to get out and find something better to do though and they asked me to come along with them. I was kind of enchanted with their awkward charm and decided it might be fun to follow them.
I could tell that one of the boys took a particular interest in me, at least I supposed. He kept on glancing at me with fondness and amazement. I kind of thought he was sweet, but didn’t really want to flirt with him. His unwashed, greasy black hair and faded T-shirt were kind of a turn-off. I thought that I’d probably adore him if he bathed. He seemed unique from the rest of the boys, or from anyone I knew, but was much to timid to speak to me.
As the boys and I walked down a wide corridor lighted with fluorescent lights I asked them where everyone went. They seemed a bit annoyed by this question because to them “everyone” meant the people they hated. But they decided to lead me there because maybe they could have fun teasing all the stuck- up people at the pool or maybe they could just cause some random mayhem.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
The Nightmare
part one
----I----
I found myself sanding in the middle of two large, red-brick mansions. Both looked very similar in both size, and structure. There were people walking to and form both of the buildings. They appeared to be on vacation; some people were carrying towels or drinks and some were just lounging around. Some of the people I knew and recognized. Most of them however, I did not know.
I decided to explore the premises starting with the building on the right. Shortly after entering the building I found an old woman lying on a hospital bed. It was a strange that a bed would be situated in the building because the interior resembled an early 19th century warehouse or an industrial building.
The old woman appeared to be dying. But I became distracted from her by a clamoring at the back door. The panes of glass in the patio door were shaking. Immediately, I became aware of the perchance of a ghost. I could feel the temperature of the room drop. I could see the faint figure of the old woman. When the old woman’s ghost saw me she began to swirl the dead leaves that littered the stone patio floor.
After our meeting the old woman’s ghost re-entered the house and began kicking a tin can down a dark corridor lined with doors.
I followed the old woman’s ghost until it melted into nothing and I was standing with my sister in front of a wide door. I opened the door and found a colossal auditorium with massive fans and shafts on the ceiling. The walls and ceiling were completely white-washed and the floor was painted a light gray. There was nobody in the room, my sister and I decided to look for my mom and grandmother.
As I walked back up the corridor I thought about the Old Woman’s Ghost and how I had not been afraid of her. It was actually exciting to go on a ghost hunt. It was thrilling to do somthing that any normal person would be afraid to do; but I knew that it was more important to help my sister find mom.
When I re-entered the main hall, I was surprised to see the old woman still there. She was alive and sitting up in bed. Her hair was a gray and frazzled and stood out in many directions. She pointed her finger in the air at some non-existent point. There were some nurses at her side trying to get her to lay back down. I thought it was very strange that I had been chasing the ghost of someone who was not dead. I wondered if the old woman was going to die soon, or if she would decide to live for a few more days.
Before I had turned to leave the house the old woman had lied down again and the clamoring at the patio doors had again commenced.
part one
----I----
I found myself sanding in the middle of two large, red-brick mansions. Both looked very similar in both size, and structure. There were people walking to and form both of the buildings. They appeared to be on vacation; some people were carrying towels or drinks and some were just lounging around. Some of the people I knew and recognized. Most of them however, I did not know.
I decided to explore the premises starting with the building on the right. Shortly after entering the building I found an old woman lying on a hospital bed. It was a strange that a bed would be situated in the building because the interior resembled an early 19th century warehouse or an industrial building.
The old woman appeared to be dying. But I became distracted from her by a clamoring at the back door. The panes of glass in the patio door were shaking. Immediately, I became aware of the perchance of a ghost. I could feel the temperature of the room drop. I could see the faint figure of the old woman. When the old woman’s ghost saw me she began to swirl the dead leaves that littered the stone patio floor.
After our meeting the old woman’s ghost re-entered the house and began kicking a tin can down a dark corridor lined with doors.
I followed the old woman’s ghost until it melted into nothing and I was standing with my sister in front of a wide door. I opened the door and found a colossal auditorium with massive fans and shafts on the ceiling. The walls and ceiling were completely white-washed and the floor was painted a light gray. There was nobody in the room, my sister and I decided to look for my mom and grandmother.
As I walked back up the corridor I thought about the Old Woman’s Ghost and how I had not been afraid of her. It was actually exciting to go on a ghost hunt. It was thrilling to do somthing that any normal person would be afraid to do; but I knew that it was more important to help my sister find mom.
When I re-entered the main hall, I was surprised to see the old woman still there. She was alive and sitting up in bed. Her hair was a gray and frazzled and stood out in many directions. She pointed her finger in the air at some non-existent point. There were some nurses at her side trying to get her to lay back down. I thought it was very strange that I had been chasing the ghost of someone who was not dead. I wondered if the old woman was going to die soon, or if she would decide to live for a few more days.
Before I had turned to leave the house the old woman had lied down again and the clamoring at the patio doors had again commenced.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Went to Odd Fellow's Circus. When me and my posse entered the gates of the Gargoyle Park our lives forever changed...
or uhh.. maybe not. There were a good... 50 people there. The black clad spectators were really getting into the music. They were positively bursting with rythm emotion-- they just stood there in a line, 20 feet from the stage smoking cigarettes. We pretty much did the same until Changing Skins were up. I tried listening to the music but I was entranced by the guy with the blue mohawk, and the guy with the dreds. Our little group got right up to the stage, and we moshed. Yep we all moshed the hell out of each other and other people too. After that we all put our little fists in the air, a tribute to our famylies, and all was well with the world. Blue Mohawk jumped off the stage, along with his orange haired cohort, almost bludgeoning me with his guitar. After their set we were lured to the band's booth so they could persuade us into buying their junk. I got my shoe signed by two of the people in the band. Miek and Jessica got their breasts signed. The lead singer rubbed his blue mohawk on my chin, I feel blessed. The next set was of some band with a bald guy. He rubbed mud on his face, but I don't think he was high. I liked the message of that bands music, but didn't really like the way it sounded. I kind of glazed over the rest of the day. It was kind of crappy out and rained all day. There really weren't many more people coming, they all came at night when we couldn't see their ugly faces. Sylveran had astounding sound for a bunch of middle school kids. The lead singer was only 13 and he fucking screamed like every other lead singer. I find it mildly amusing he drank water out of a gas can. Dog Day Sunrise was either before or after Sylveran and the lead singer sounded like Special Ed from Crank Yankers when he talked. Dog Day Sunrise was the only band I had heard of up to then, but they didn't play any song I knew. Slaves on Dope was the last band of the night. I kinda think they were full of themselves but, eh, what band isn't? I like the fact that we got to chat with most of the bands. I woke up this morning pretty sore, stiff neck. But no terribly painful injuries. I think Katie had a concussion cause she had hit her head and was shivering and stuff, I think she sould have been taken to a doctor. I bet Christa has 203482304980584098 bruises, but she is no worse off than the people she gouged with her spikes. I know I'm gonna get a hella lot of e-mail cause I signed up on every list. I got a free CD with two songs, yahoo! lol
or uhh.. maybe not. There were a good... 50 people there. The black clad spectators were really getting into the music. They were positively bursting with rythm emotion-- they just stood there in a line, 20 feet from the stage smoking cigarettes. We pretty much did the same until Changing Skins were up. I tried listening to the music but I was entranced by the guy with the blue mohawk, and the guy with the dreds. Our little group got right up to the stage, and we moshed. Yep we all moshed the hell out of each other and other people too. After that we all put our little fists in the air, a tribute to our famylies, and all was well with the world. Blue Mohawk jumped off the stage, along with his orange haired cohort, almost bludgeoning me with his guitar. After their set we were lured to the band's booth so they could persuade us into buying their junk. I got my shoe signed by two of the people in the band. Miek and Jessica got their breasts signed. The lead singer rubbed his blue mohawk on my chin, I feel blessed. The next set was of some band with a bald guy. He rubbed mud on his face, but I don't think he was high. I liked the message of that bands music, but didn't really like the way it sounded. I kind of glazed over the rest of the day. It was kind of crappy out and rained all day. There really weren't many more people coming, they all came at night when we couldn't see their ugly faces. Sylveran had astounding sound for a bunch of middle school kids. The lead singer was only 13 and he fucking screamed like every other lead singer. I find it mildly amusing he drank water out of a gas can. Dog Day Sunrise was either before or after Sylveran and the lead singer sounded like Special Ed from Crank Yankers when he talked. Dog Day Sunrise was the only band I had heard of up to then, but they didn't play any song I knew. Slaves on Dope was the last band of the night. I kinda think they were full of themselves but, eh, what band isn't? I like the fact that we got to chat with most of the bands. I woke up this morning pretty sore, stiff neck. But no terribly painful injuries. I think Katie had a concussion cause she had hit her head and was shivering and stuff, I think she sould have been taken to a doctor. I bet Christa has 203482304980584098 bruises, but she is no worse off than the people she gouged with her spikes. I know I'm gonna get a hella lot of e-mail cause I signed up on every list. I got a free CD with two songs, yahoo! lol
Ah haa haa... a bible story that I didn't learn in Sunday School
King James Version, Second Kings 2:23-24
23: And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up that way, there came forth little children of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; Go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood and tare forty and two children of them.
Extreme Bible Story
King James Version, Second Kings 2:23-24
23: And he [Elisha] went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up that way, there came forth little children of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; Go up, thou bald head.
24: And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood and tare forty and two children of them.
Extreme Bible Story
Tuesday, September 09, 2003
You ever think that some people are really fuck ups? (When I say "some people" I mean me. I dunno but I think maybe I've just been disillusioned. I believed that everyone has some redeemable characteristics. But I'm beginning to think that I'm a fuck up. I can't remember a time when I've done somthing right the first time. Its just so odd to me... that everything I can think of points to one indellble fact that I am a screw up. And for some odd reason it all falls upon me now. I guess I have some responsibilities to fulfill as a senior. I have to start on a path to some shining destiny...lol... but I feel mystified as to where I should start and what I should be doing now. (well actually, I know I should be doing my homework but uhh...) Somehow I don't think I can do it by myself. In fact I'm quite afraid of what the future will bring. I know I shouldn't be because fear only breeds more smelly fear. I know that the future can only be better than the past.
Back to what I was saying about fuck ups. I need to do somthing right. I know probably it won't be on the first try but I have too keep on doing it until I get it right. So I might still be a fuck up to some extent, but a fuck up who has done somthing right, somthing good. Thus, having done somthing right, I will have restored my belief that there is somthing redeemable about everyone. If someone as weak and fruitless as me can do somthing right then anyone can.
Back to what I was saying about fuck ups. I need to do somthing right. I know probably it won't be on the first try but I have too keep on doing it until I get it right. So I might still be a fuck up to some extent, but a fuck up who has done somthing right, somthing good. Thus, having done somthing right, I will have restored my belief that there is somthing redeemable about everyone. If someone as weak and fruitless as me can do somthing right then anyone can.
Friday, September 05, 2003
I'm sorry, but its more like I'm humiliated. I can never help but feel unworthy to stand in anyone's presence, anyone. I even feel that way around you. I try always to be a better person, but I fail so miserably, I'm just so ignorant, on how to make things better for myself, for you. I don't understand how you feel, I don't. I always try to say the right things. I feel guilty sometimes because I fail so often. I just don't know whats going on.
:B skool is fun and I like to go to skool and see my freinds and tlak to thum and they like to talk to me and I do a lot of homwork that I dont like but I like to sit in studee hall and teese the boys and read books and storys and take vokabulare tests.
--Last few days.. um week in a half I am now considered a Senior or as I like to call it Senor in highschool. I don't feel special. All I can see is how far behind I am from everyone. I'm probably the worlds biggest loser. I bet nobody I know can give me a reason why they are a bigger loser than me! I dare you to try! I DARE YOU! AH HAAHAA
But aside from me being a total social outcast I'm swell. I don't have any problems in school aside from the fact that I can't pay attention in class and keep forgetting my homework.
I hear tell I'm being voted Most Artistic... If I am I'll pee my pants with glee. If I'm voted most Autistic, well, that will be cool too.
--Last few days.. um week in a half I am now considered a Senior or as I like to call it Senor in highschool. I don't feel special. All I can see is how far behind I am from everyone. I'm probably the worlds biggest loser. I bet nobody I know can give me a reason why they are a bigger loser than me! I dare you to try! I DARE YOU! AH HAAHAA
But aside from me being a total social outcast I'm swell. I don't have any problems in school aside from the fact that I can't pay attention in class and keep forgetting my homework.
I hear tell I'm being voted Most Artistic... If I am I'll pee my pants with glee. If I'm voted most Autistic, well, that will be cool too.
You are a banana! Good job, captain obvious.
which rejected character are you?
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(The Bradford Era, Monday September 1st)
Horoscope
by FRANCES DRAKE
YOU BORN TODAY (Sep. 1st)
You are brave, fearless and passionate. You set high standards for yourself. You take your work very seriously, and you take pride in meeting your deadlines. You are highly conscientious. You often approach life in a very physical manner. You are sexy, romantic and practical. Expect a fun-loving social year ahead. Birthdate of: Edgar Rice Buroughs, Gloria Estefan, Barry Gibb
Horoscope
by FRANCES DRAKE
YOU BORN TODAY (Sep. 1st)
You are brave, fearless and passionate. You set high standards for yourself. You take your work very seriously, and you take pride in meeting your deadlines. You are highly conscientious. You often approach life in a very physical manner. You are sexy, romantic and practical. Expect a fun-loving social year ahead. Birthdate of: Edgar Rice Buroughs, Gloria Estefan, Barry Gibb