So..
A lot of things have happened in the past few weeks. This time I REALLY don't know how to tell you about them. I feel like I should try because one of the reasons I keeps a blog is so that people can learn from what I do and say -at least a very little little bit...
All I can say is that I was miserable.
Now I have a chance to be happy.
I feel that this decision was right, the time was right.
There is really no convincing me otherwise.
this is me climbing the wall
there may not be anything on the other side
no one to catch me if i fall and..
i'm okay with that
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Hello everyone! I just started my new job at the cube farm. I want to tell you all about how much fun I'm having, but when you work at these kinds of places you gotta be careful what you say. So I'll not talk good or bad about it. I would rather not wish that I type up something that could be googled and then everyone would be all up in my bidness. It would probably be the same if I went and worked at the Hospital. Anyway, life is a little confusing for me right now. I don't exactly know how to tell you about it. For the first time in a long time I've been seriously considering my future, I think I said this before, maybe the February of last year. But this time I'm actually preparing myself to do something about it. Which in essence, means I'm wanting to go to school and planning out how to get there. Yeah I know it's a crazy idea for me, but since the two choices of employment I have are not really jobs I want to waste my life on, I have to do something to preserve my sanity. I also have plans to move out of the shack I live in currently. It's not that is too small or a bad place, I guess I'm just wanting to move away from the past. I want to be able to rely on myself a little more too.
I'd like to say that I feel really happy now. I'm afraid though that I'll get scared and give up my plans as per usual.
Nana collapses like a flan in a cupboard...
I guess my only comfort is as long as I take care of myself first, and do what's best for myself I should have to worry about failing, or what anyone should think of me.
Well..that's it for today......
Happy Wednesday!
I'd like to say that I feel really happy now. I'm afraid though that I'll get scared and give up my plans as per usual.
Nana collapses like a flan in a cupboard...
I guess my only comfort is as long as I take care of myself first, and do what's best for myself I should have to worry about failing, or what anyone should think of me.
Well..that's it for today......
Happy Wednesday!
Friday, July 11, 2008
What I did on My Summer Vacation
by Naya
Room 101, 3rd period English
Brian and I went with Christa and Sterling to celebrate The Fouthajuly like a true 'Mercans in Niagara Falls, Canada. The drive up there is mind numbing, it takes forever and you run through mostly uninteresting villages. I'm not saying I don't like scenic drives in the country but oh mah gawd..
I've already been to Buffalo twice in the past couple of weeks with my grandparents to pick up and drop off my uncle at the airport.
Did you know there was a man by the name of Cornelius that lived in Machias that's been pushing up daisies for at least 10 years by now? I didn't knew I cared but my G'pa makes it a point to tell us every time we pass that village.
The worst part about the drive is coming home. Ever since my father drove us into a ditch and almost in front of a train, I've had this horror of the driver falling asleep at the wheel and making me die.
by Naya
Room 101, 3rd period English
Brian and I went with Christa and Sterling to celebrate The Fouthajuly like a true 'Mercans in Niagara Falls, Canada. The drive up there is mind numbing, it takes forever and you run through mostly uninteresting villages. I'm not saying I don't like scenic drives in the country but oh mah gawd..
I've already been to Buffalo twice in the past couple of weeks with my grandparents to pick up and drop off my uncle at the airport.
Did you know there was a man by the name of Cornelius that lived in Machias that's been pushing up daisies for at least 10 years by now? I didn't knew I cared but my G'pa makes it a point to tell us every time we pass that village.
The worst part about the drive is coming home. Ever since my father drove us into a ditch and almost in front of a train, I've had this horror of the driver falling asleep at the wheel and making me die.
So anyway the falls were great, they absolutely thrill me every time I'm there. I pretty much hated everything else in the Niagara Falls location especially the Clifton Hill area. It's places like that that make me despair for humanity. What a heap of trash. I guess that's all I'm gonna say about that because I should probably dwell on the good things.
Christa and Sterling have some friends in Canada, we met them at the falls and they really seem like our kinda people in a general sense but more like Christa and Sterling's kind of people. Like a bizzaro Canadian Christa and Sterling if I may be so bold. ..
I didn't really get a chance to talk to them because of the constant flurry of esoteric Ragnarok discussion. It was mostly my problem, I just didn't know what to say even after enjoying a couple drinks. But it all went well. Brian was really excited to jump on that Ragnarok train. I rather prefer not to get deep into anything RPG anymore. Sworn off RPG's for life after Final Fantasy 12. Yeah I know, I completed Lost Odyssey last month. But that was it I swear....
My Taekwon Chippy is totally cute
kicking shit is fun
Saturday, July 05, 2008
I love Pandora
Check it out you probably will love it too.
It's s thingy where you type in your favorite band name and then it makes up a play list of songs that you might like by different bands. It's based on the style of song, tone of the vocal lead and other such factors.
On the day I discovered it I'm all like "Pandora is my new Jesus". I told my mother about this and she is all like "so they just sort you, and categorize you, that's not the way to listen to music."
I'm like uh well.. I know it's kinda lame like that.. and man I'm a tool.. all extruded and pooped out... BUT IT'S SO COOL!
Look you joy kill. I like music. I don't have a scene, but I prefer it that way.
How can this bored provincial find some new tunes that really speak to my soul?
a surrogate for having cool friends, pooping out a play list--
Call it what you will it just works for me.
Check it out you probably will love it too.
It's s thingy where you type in your favorite band name and then it makes up a play list of songs that you might like by different bands. It's based on the style of song, tone of the vocal lead and other such factors.
On the day I discovered it I'm all like "Pandora is my new Jesus". I told my mother about this and she is all like "so they just sort you, and categorize you, that's not the way to listen to music."
I'm like uh well.. I know it's kinda lame like that.. and man I'm a tool.. all extruded and pooped out... BUT IT'S SO COOL!
Look you joy kill. I like music. I don't have a scene, but I prefer it that way.
How can this bored provincial find some new tunes that really speak to my soul?
a surrogate for having cool friends, pooping out a play list--
Call it what you will it just works for me.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Lately I've been taking a few minutes here and there to take a closer look at the candidates and really learn about their history, who their friends are, and who they really are as people.
Does this candidate have what it takes to pull this country through this war and failing economy?
Does this candidate really have my best interests at heart?
Who looks best in a swimsuit. (you probably wouldn't guess Bob Barr, but I would! ;D)
I watch CNN, and often times I'll browse forums to get some down to earth real opinions from real people. I've even glanced at the cover of Obama's biography like, probably, a couple times.
But to get the most out of my time I really need to ask myself
The questions that really matter:
Does this candidate have what it takes to pull this country through this war and failing economy?
Does this candidate really have my best interests at heart?
Who looks best in a swimsuit. (you probably wouldn't guess Bob Barr, but I would! ;D)
Obligations to my publishing company Battlescabs Ltd. requires me to post this dumb ad.
What do you think McCain is hiding in his cheek?
Sunday, May 18, 2008
You haven't heard from me in a while
now have you...
I've been constantly busy, the way adults talk about being consumed with work, trying to organize time.
Nurses Aide Training for the last three weeks and working at Subway too.
I don't feel like myself walking around in the hospital.
------------
I'm having a lot of difficulty expressing myself lately.
My head is all underwater and it takes a while for the words to float their way to the surface.
I'd like to feel like maybe my concise way of speaking was charming. I think it's just annoying.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Lindt Gold Bunnies are almost too cute to eat.
In all seriousness, I've had this thing in my fridge for a month and I could not bring myself to bite into it until I had this debilitating chocolate fit. I even bought myself a box of snack cakes to keep me from eating this thing's face. Bun-Bun would rather be warm and cozy in my stomach than spend another day in the freezer--At least I'd like to rationalize it like that.
After all these weeks of casual flirting, we were finally alone. I pulled him close to me and slipped my slim fingers under it's delicate, little red bow. I tugged it gently over his head. The thought that my cravings would be utterly satisfied by him, caused my anticipation to rise to an unbearable limit. I savagely tore the golden flesh from his body and sunk my teeth into his creamy darkness.
R.I.P.
Here lies Golden Bunny he was tasty.
Right now Cadbury and Lindt are waging an epic war to win supremacy over my heart.
In all seriousness, I've had this thing in my fridge for a month and I could not bring myself to bite into it until I had this debilitating chocolate fit. I even bought myself a box of snack cakes to keep me from eating this thing's face. Bun-Bun would rather be warm and cozy in my stomach than spend another day in the freezer--At least I'd like to rationalize it like that.
After all these weeks of casual flirting, we were finally alone. I pulled him close to me and slipped my slim fingers under it's delicate, little red bow. I tugged it gently over his head. The thought that my cravings would be utterly satisfied by him, caused my anticipation to rise to an unbearable limit. I savagely tore the golden flesh from his body and sunk my teeth into his creamy darkness.
R.I.P.
Here lies Golden Bunny he was tasty.
Right now Cadbury and Lindt are waging an epic war to win supremacy over my heart.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Don't want to talk about politics
Don't preach or talk about politics
Don't let me talk about politics
Don't give a shit about politics
Awww here it goes!
So.. have you been following the nation's biggest popularity contest?
I waste about 30 minutes a day watching election news on CNN; it tells me nothing.
The coverage of every insignificant detail of these presidential campaigns is absurd.
I don't care what "The best political team on televison" has to say about anything because their omipresent opinions are about as valuable as the opinons of people who leave their comments on YouTube Caturday videos. I learn more about the candidates browsing Fark for 10 minutes.
But I must admit I haven't done any serious research. So far I just assume that NONE of the candidates could best serve my interests. It just seems to me that the Democrats and the Republicans are two sides of the same coin. The Democrats want to control your money and the Republicans want to control your mind ( to spout out some spiffy Libertarian catch-phrases).
If I had to pick a side I would have to pick the Democrats because I'm a scabby, crusty recipient of food stamps and I don't know if the Republicans would support my right to be a worthless parasite.
Don't know what else to say so I'll just end this lesson with an quote from Skeletor that is irrelevant to what I was talking about:
We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war. - Ann Coulter
Don't preach or talk about politics
Don't let me talk about politics
Don't give a shit about politics
Awww here it goes!
So.. have you been following the nation's biggest popularity contest?
I waste about 30 minutes a day watching election news on CNN; it tells me nothing.
The coverage of every insignificant detail of these presidential campaigns is absurd.
I don't care what "The best political team on televison" has to say about anything because their omipresent opinions are about as valuable as the opinons of people who leave their comments on YouTube Caturday videos. I learn more about the candidates browsing Fark for 10 minutes.
But I must admit I haven't done any serious research. So far I just assume that NONE of the candidates could best serve my interests. It just seems to me that the Democrats and the Republicans are two sides of the same coin. The Democrats want to control your money and the Republicans want to control your mind ( to spout out some spiffy Libertarian catch-phrases).
If I had to pick a side I would have to pick the Democrats because I'm a scabby, crusty recipient of food stamps and I don't know if the Republicans would support my right to be a worthless parasite.
Don't know what else to say so I'll just end this lesson with an quote from Skeletor that is irrelevant to what I was talking about:
We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren't punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That's war. And this is war. - Ann Coulter
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Today I went to church at the G-Tab with a friend of mine. The Gospel Tabernacle is a tremendously huge church where people worship eccentrically, possessed with the Holy Spirit, run up and down the aisles with streamers and hankies, raise their hands to touch the Glory, dance and weep and speak in tongues.
--
From my vantage point in the back of the sanctuary, I wasn't able to get a good view all of the passionate praise and jubilation at the front. Even as I tried to have an open mind, and tried to not point and stare, I can't help my juvenile impulse to laugh at these "Holy Rollers,". It's easy to think of these people as mere objects of extreme hilarity. But as I found out, these people aren't just religious crazies, they are people I would have considered, based on appearances alone, to be normal townsfolk.
I mean, what did I expect!? Of course with a town this small and a church that big of course I'm gonna run into people I know. It's kind of hard to explain my sense of awe at seeing people I encounter on a daily basis acting like complete raving lunatics. It's as surreal as a dream where you're fixing a go-cart with your ex-landlord.
I won't mention who it was , but I was very surprised at this one individual who spontaneously interrupted the preacher with an entire Biblical passage not 2 minutes after a woman all in a frenzy over Christ, ran up an stage stamping her feet and growling like some kinda cow-dog.
Maybe I should be ashamed for laughing at something I just don't understand. The feeling of that kind of passion, that will make you abandon all vanity, and self-awareness is rarely something I realize. It makes me a little sad that I just don't understand these things; that sometimes I think that I've never loved anything, or have been so moved by something to get swept away.
It's just one of those things that makes me stop wondering why people would ever want to be involved in religion.
Amen.
--
From my vantage point in the back of the sanctuary, I wasn't able to get a good view all of the passionate praise and jubilation at the front. Even as I tried to have an open mind, and tried to not point and stare, I can't help my juvenile impulse to laugh at these "Holy Rollers,". It's easy to think of these people as mere objects of extreme hilarity. But as I found out, these people aren't just religious crazies, they are people I would have considered, based on appearances alone, to be normal townsfolk.
I mean, what did I expect!? Of course with a town this small and a church that big of course I'm gonna run into people I know. It's kind of hard to explain my sense of awe at seeing people I encounter on a daily basis acting like complete raving lunatics. It's as surreal as a dream where you're fixing a go-cart with your ex-landlord.
I won't mention who it was , but I was very surprised at this one individual who spontaneously interrupted the preacher with an entire Biblical passage not 2 minutes after a woman all in a frenzy over Christ, ran up an stage stamping her feet and growling like some kinda cow-dog.
Maybe I should be ashamed for laughing at something I just don't understand. The feeling of that kind of passion, that will make you abandon all vanity, and self-awareness is rarely something I realize. It makes me a little sad that I just don't understand these things; that sometimes I think that I've never loved anything, or have been so moved by something to get swept away.
It's just one of those things that makes me stop wondering why people would ever want to be involved in religion.
Amen.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I've been going crazy for the past week because my computer is non-functional.
I miss my Fark, and celebrity news, and keeping up with my Internet buddies.
I've been meaning to clean this blog up, it's a total mess-- MySpace too, but I don't want to hog my Christa's computer forever.
------------------------------------
Living without the Internet is tough, living without video games is even worse. Since my Hunny took up DOA 4 I can't get no Viva Pinata, or Katamari or anything except Tekken sometimes.
So no digital entertainments...
Last Saturday I went to the Library, THE LIBRARY! Can you imagine?
I've been reading this book about Etiquette, which is completely packed with useful info, just learning some very basic things from this book could help me out immensely in social situations, assuming I ever encounter such things in my lonely, lonely life.. ever.. again...
I highly recommend anyone read up on etiquette it's not just how to place your fork and spoon or how to curtsy, but things you could use every day, politeness things that will not only make your life more enjoyable, but make everyday interactions so much nicer.
Then I've been reading Cosmos by Carl Sagan. I don't care wut you say, I fell in love with him from watching a YouTube. It would probably be better for me to just watch the show rather than read the book because it's pretty much the same material. It would be so much easier if I could see a diagram or an animation explaining some of these ideas. So far this is a pretty good read too, it fills in blanks left by my public school educations, limited memory faculties, and things I generally wonder.
Then I got this book about Innumeracy, which I thought at the time would, If I read the book, and focused on helping myself, I could become numerate, but that's not the point of this book I found out. This book called Innumeracy is about how Innumeracy is a more common problem than is realized by educators and such ppl. Innumeracy is supposed to be a primary cause of people believing in luck, in pseudoscience, scams in general, and other such crazuh ideas.
For example some people don't realize just how great a number 1 million is, or a billion or a trillion. Or how their car exhaust could possibly be causing any damage to the ozone layer, how 0.0006% adds up over time. Even though I can't really understand how to do the Math, probabilities and such, there are some pretty thought provoking arguments there.
----
So you can check out Ms. Na-Na Nayners Nannerbannaners the Wannabe Naughty Librarian when she's running across town to the library 15 minutes before close,
cause that's just how she rolls.
I miss my Fark, and celebrity news, and keeping up with my Internet buddies.
I've been meaning to clean this blog up, it's a total mess-- MySpace too, but I don't want to hog my Christa's computer forever.
------------------------------------
Living without the Internet is tough, living without video games is even worse. Since my Hunny took up DOA 4 I can't get no Viva Pinata, or Katamari or anything except Tekken sometimes.
So no digital entertainments...
Last Saturday I went to the Library, THE LIBRARY! Can you imagine?
I've been reading this book about Etiquette, which is completely packed with useful info, just learning some very basic things from this book could help me out immensely in social situations, assuming I ever encounter such things in my lonely, lonely life.. ever.. again...
I highly recommend anyone read up on etiquette it's not just how to place your fork and spoon or how to curtsy, but things you could use every day, politeness things that will not only make your life more enjoyable, but make everyday interactions so much nicer.
Then I've been reading Cosmos by Carl Sagan. I don't care wut you say, I fell in love with him from watching a YouTube. It would probably be better for me to just watch the show rather than read the book because it's pretty much the same material. It would be so much easier if I could see a diagram or an animation explaining some of these ideas. So far this is a pretty good read too, it fills in blanks left by my public school educations, limited memory faculties, and things I generally wonder.
Then I got this book about Innumeracy, which I thought at the time would, If I read the book, and focused on helping myself, I could become numerate, but that's not the point of this book I found out. This book called Innumeracy is about how Innumeracy is a more common problem than is realized by educators and such ppl. Innumeracy is supposed to be a primary cause of people believing in luck, in pseudoscience, scams in general, and other such crazuh ideas.
For example some people don't realize just how great a number 1 million is, or a billion or a trillion. Or how their car exhaust could possibly be causing any damage to the ozone layer, how 0.0006% adds up over time. Even though I can't really understand how to do the Math, probabilities and such, there are some pretty thought provoking arguments there.
----
So you can check out Ms. Na-Na Nayners Nannerbannaners the Wannabe Naughty Librarian when she's running across town to the library 15 minutes before close,
cause that's just how she rolls.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Lord almighty.. I'm just bored. Seriously, I don't know what to do with myself.
I need to get the hell outta town, take a vacation somthing, seriously.
Fucking, cold, fucking snow, goddamn cabin fever...
Yeah and I'm sick of Coudersport townsfolk.
No fuck that, I'm sick of damn near everyone regardless of location.
I'm always being fucking SMOTHERED with stupid.
: (
god-damn! god damn.....
--
All apologies for the lack of eloquence.
I need to get the hell outta town, take a vacation somthing, seriously.
Fucking, cold, fucking snow, goddamn cabin fever...
Yeah and I'm sick of Coudersport townsfolk.
No fuck that, I'm sick of damn near everyone regardless of location.
I'm always being fucking SMOTHERED with stupid.
: (
god-damn! god damn.....
--
All apologies for the lack of eloquence.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Falling asleep at the wheel, Na-Na?
So I been trying to get hooked on fighting the NWO.
I've been acknowledged as one of the Awake.
I'm alone in the Truth.
Or..
I've been curious about what these kids are talking about when they say NWO or Libertarian or Alex Jones.
So I spend a little time every day sifting through articles, watching videos, talking to people, and listening to AJ.
My first objective though is not to prove to myself or disprove any theory or belief, but to sift out the essential bullshit. What seem to be the purest forms of the unprovable, the speculations, fantasy stories, and absolute incorrectness of some claims.
I thought maybe I would call myself Libertarian because I think my values have been shifting in that direction.
link:
(because up is better than down?)
However, mere interest in these ideas and speculations does not make me subject to them.
And..
Stuffing feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
(had to throw that one in there for the kids)
I believe that the government of this country does not serve the needs of it's people.
I think that there is plenty of proof to back this up.
I think that the connections between special interest groups and corporations are ruining the quality of governmental representation.
And..
I think Bohemian Grove is just a wussy farce.
I still have no idea what Libertarian really means or what it would be like to live in that kind of world. I have no idea what I 'm going to do with any of these newly formed opinions about things I never knew I cared about: gun control, mandatory vaccinations, whether schools will let parents decide what their own offspring will learn in school.
It's kind of still a jumbled mess of defending constitutional rights, conspiracy theory, straight-up crazy rantings of dark imaginations.
So it will be a while before I decide what kind of direction I will take, or if I'll be a good fighter for truth--
or if all dismiss it as a load of bull.
Yes.. I'm aware I'm becoming a bore.
It's the Illuminati, I tell you!!!
So I been trying to get hooked on fighting the NWO.
I've been acknowledged as one of the Awake.
I'm alone in the Truth.
Or..
I've been curious about what these kids are talking about when they say NWO or Libertarian or Alex Jones.
So I spend a little time every day sifting through articles, watching videos, talking to people, and listening to AJ.
My first objective though is not to prove to myself or disprove any theory or belief, but to sift out the essential bullshit. What seem to be the purest forms of the unprovable, the speculations, fantasy stories, and absolute incorrectness of some claims.
I thought maybe I would call myself Libertarian because I think my values have been shifting in that direction.
link:
(because up is better than down?)
However, mere interest in these ideas and speculations does not make me subject to them.
And..
Stuffing feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
(had to throw that one in there for the kids)
I believe that the government of this country does not serve the needs of it's people.
I think that there is plenty of proof to back this up.
I think that the connections between special interest groups and corporations are ruining the quality of governmental representation.
And..
I think Bohemian Grove is just a wussy farce.
I still have no idea what Libertarian really means or what it would be like to live in that kind of world. I have no idea what I 'm going to do with any of these newly formed opinions about things I never knew I cared about: gun control, mandatory vaccinations, whether schools will let parents decide what their own offspring will learn in school.
It's kind of still a jumbled mess of defending constitutional rights, conspiracy theory, straight-up crazy rantings of dark imaginations.
So it will be a while before I decide what kind of direction I will take, or if I'll be a good fighter for truth--
or if all dismiss it as a load of bull.
Yes.. I'm aware I'm becoming a bore.
It's the Illuminati, I tell you!!!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
This post is not about church.
So I'll put the whole, "church memoirs" thing on the back burner for a while, or maybe just scrap it all together.
I hadn't thought out what I was trying to say. I was trying to explain a few things I had been thinking about for the past year. Mostly having to do with abandoning all belief in the Christian god, any belief in the supernatural, karma, fate, and the like.
I feel like I'm born again. I feel more hopeful, more challenged, more alive than ever.
I don't feel like I have everything figured out, and I'm glad there are so many things in the world left to know.
But the things I do know, are in my heart, in my mind. My values and my resolve to do what is right for me, these things are all I really have in life. My hopes die, affections die, life dies, everything is so fragile and fleeting, how can I rationally choose to go on living? How can I go on losing my money, and youth, and health and treasured possessions?
How can I go on when I lose the one I love?
I go on living because I believe in what's most important, things that can't be taken from me, bonds that can never be broken. Memories of those who inspired me, the pride of having inspired or helped them in any way. Friendship, learning from each other, helping others to grow. There are many, many ideas, and memories and feelings.
I can take these things and push onward into the future.
So I'll put the whole, "church memoirs" thing on the back burner for a while, or maybe just scrap it all together.
I hadn't thought out what I was trying to say. I was trying to explain a few things I had been thinking about for the past year. Mostly having to do with abandoning all belief in the Christian god, any belief in the supernatural, karma, fate, and the like.
I feel like I'm born again. I feel more hopeful, more challenged, more alive than ever.
I don't feel like I have everything figured out, and I'm glad there are so many things in the world left to know.
But the things I do know, are in my heart, in my mind. My values and my resolve to do what is right for me, these things are all I really have in life. My hopes die, affections die, life dies, everything is so fragile and fleeting, how can I rationally choose to go on living? How can I go on losing my money, and youth, and health and treasured possessions?
How can I go on when I lose the one I love?
I go on living because I believe in what's most important, things that can't be taken from me, bonds that can never be broken. Memories of those who inspired me, the pride of having inspired or helped them in any way. Friendship, learning from each other, helping others to grow. There are many, many ideas, and memories and feelings.
I can take these things and push onward into the future.